>> November, 2007

>> November 4, 2007

THE FIVE GREATEST PARENTING TIPS

Fifteen years ago this week, my “Kid Tips” column was born with the words “Congratulations, you are a columnist” from an editor at a major newspaper. She took a chance on the concept that busy parents needed practical advice. Seven hundred eighty columns and 4,000 parenting tips later, Kid Tips is nationally syndicated as well as appearing in India, United Arab Emirates, Canada and Bermuda.

I thank you — the readers of this column — for your creative solutions to common parenting problems and issues. You are the driving force of this column. I look forward to hearing from all of you whenever a clever parenting idea pops into your head.

Of the 4,000 tips you have sent me, I have selected five of my favorites, ones that have become classic kid tips. Most of the tips below were popularized by Oprah and Good Morning America.

"MONSTER SPRAY" KEEPS THE MONSTERS AT BAY
When both of my children were about 5, they had very scary nightmares about monsters being in their room. A friend of mine gave me the tip of putting water in a spray bottle with just a dash of perfume to give it a scent. When the children went to bed at night, I sprayed this around their doorway and told them that "monster spray" will not allow monsters into their room. This worked effectively for both of my children.
-- Kathy Berntson, Spring Lake Park, Minn.
Note: Don’t forget to also spray under the bed and in the closets where most monsters hide. (T.M.)

THE ALARM ENFORCES CURFEW
Before our two teens went out with friends for the evening or on a date, my husband and I would negotiate a reasonable curfew for their return. Instead of waiting up for them past our own bedtime, my husband and I would set our alarm to ring at their curfew time. Then my husband and I would retire to bed at our normal time. If our children came home before their curfew, they would tiptoe into our bedroom and shut off the alarm before it went off. If, however, they were late and the alarm woke us up, we would know that they had missed their curfew.
-- Patty M., Long Beach, Calif.

KISSES TO GO
My young son was very reluctant to let me leave his day-care center each morning. One day I kissed him good-bye, then gave him extra kisses in his hand. I folded up his hand and told him these kisses could be used later if he should need them. These kisses became very comforting to him. He's 9-years-old now, and he occasionally says, "I wish I could still have kisses in my hand."
-- C.B., Panama City, Flor.

WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THAT ARTWORK
Both my son and I wanted to save all of his paper artwork, but we couldn't keep everything. We came up with two solutions to our problem. Now when the refrigerator gets covered with his artwork, we take a picture of him in front of it. Then we clear all of his masterpieces from the refrigerator and display some of the art work in our son's own personal art gallery — the walls of our garage. The photographs provide a permanent but compact record of our own Van Gogh's creations, as well as showing how old he was at the time.
-- K.T. Hom, San Jose, Calif.

TARGET PRACTICE
At times, toilet training can be a frustrating endeavor. While a child might understand the mechanics of what is expected of him, he might find little incentive to put this knowledge to use. A friend of mine offered a novel solution for little boys: Place a step stool next to the toilet, then toss a few Cheerios in the toilet bowl and let him make it a game of "target practice." This can make toilet training fun and can improve his accuracy at the same time.
-- Susie Norton, Manhattan, Mont.
Note: I received this tip from six different parents—all from Montana. (T.M.)

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2007TomMcMahon

>> November 11, 2007

PARENTS HAVE THEIR OWN BILL OF RIGHTS

We, as parents, have a right to be treated with respect. We have the right to say no and not feel guilty.

These two statements were the beginning of what would become the “Parents’ Bill of Rights and Responsibilities,” created by a group of parents, counselors, law-enforcement personnel and educators, including myself. It was written after we had learned that a mother had not entered her 15-year-old son’s bedroom for two years — by his orders.

Four years ago, I shared half of the Bill of Rights in my column; here is the second half:

1. We have the right to know where our kids are, who their friends are and who they are with at any time.
2. We have the right to demonstrate we care by occasionally verifying or spot-checking our children's whereabouts.
3. We have the right not to condone any alcohol or drug usage and to say “no” to attendance at activities where alcohol or drug usage may occur.
4. We have the right to make mistakes and/or change our minds.
5. We have the right to monitor all school-related activities: academic, behavioral and social.
6. We have the right to know and consult with adults who influence our children's lives (coaches, youth leaders, etc.).
7. We have a right to promote time together as a family.
8. We have a right to be authoritarian when logical explanation and reason have not succeeded.

The complete, printable list can be found at www.kidtips.com.

PARENT NETWORK
Get to know, and stay in touch with, the parents of your children's friends. This is just as important with teenagers as it was when your children were younger. It's important to have other parents to talk to. Chances are, you will discover that other parents share many of your feelings and agree with your decisions about parenting. Sometimes your kids make you feel as if you are the only parent with certain rules. It's also good to confirm details about sleepovers and other events with the host's parents.
-- Susie A., Mission San Jose, Calif.

LULLABIES ON TAPE
I bought a cassette tape of soothing lullabies, which I use for my baby’s nap and bedtime. She conks out within minutes. She now associates her lullaby music with being sleepy.
-- S.R.R., Dallas

STRESS-FREE SCHOOL MORNINGS
The morning routine often sets the tone of the day. Young children often fall apart after a hectic, busy rush out the door. So, don’t wait until morning to manage busy school mornings — the trick is doing most of it the night before: Lay out the child’s clothes; make, pack and refrigerate the lunches; sign any school forms; pack the backpack and place by the door; post a chore chart that uses pictures to depict each child’s simple morning chores (get dressed, brush teeth, etc.).
-- R.C., Sacramento

DON'T OVERMANAGE
I learned with experience that parents can overmanage their children by nagging about homework, reminding them about time and being overinvolved in their projects. If I had to do this over again, I would have allowed my child to fail with smaller items and projects at a younger age. It would have been hard to do, but it would have taught him about the consequences of his actions.
-- D.H., Clearwater, Fla.

WARM SHEETS ARE SOOTHING
To help an infant settle himself in his crib for naps or at nighttime, put a heating pad (turned on low) directly on the spot in the crib where you’re going to lay him down. Take it out (for safety, be sure the pad and cord are far away from the crib) before you lay him down. He will snuggle down, be warm and comfortable, and fall asleep quickly.
-- Jacke Dollar, Des Moines

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2007 TomMcMahon

>> November 18, 2007

PEER PRESSURE: IT TAKES COURAGE TO STAND YOUR GROUND

The peak period for succumbing to peer pressure is during the middle school years — ages 12 to 14. This is when children will be most likely to follow the crowd--even if they don’t want to, even if it doesn’t make any sense and, sometimes, even if it’s illegal.

Each middle school or junior high has an unwritten code of behavior. It varies considerably from school to school. In my daughters’ schools it wasn’t cool to use protection from the rain, and you had to wear your backpack low on your back.
I remember mornings when my daughters would leave for school in the pouring rain—without raincoat or umbrella. I pleaded, I argued, to no avail. “The kids will make fun of us,” they said. So off they went. Later that day, on carpool duty, I picked up the same kids who had been soaked since the morning rain.

One of my daughters still has back problems from wearing her backpack low on her back. No one likes being cold and wet all day, and a spinal injury from a low-hanging backpack could be life-long, but the pressure to conform can be tremendous for a child. These examples exemplify peer pressure at its finest.
Parents, talk openly with your children about peer pressure, especially during the preteen and teen years. Peer pressure is mostly about wanting to be accepted and liked by people their own age.

Thanks to the readers who shared a kid tip with us this week.

THE TRUE MEANING OF "POPULAR"
My son complained to me that he was not part of the group of kids in his high school class who were "popular." In questioning him about these classmates, I asked him if they truly were "popular," or if they just had a certain image. After some thought to this question, my son replied that they were not, in fact, well liked. Recognizing the difference between being "popular" in the true sense of the word and simply projecting a rather unfriendly image and attitude has helped my son with his self-esteem and his selection of friends.
-- Anonymous, Sierra Village, Calif.

WASHING BLANKIE
My daughter’s blankie was so fragile that I was afraid to wash it. A neighbor suggested placing it inside a pillowcase before washing it on a gentle cycle. It worked great!
-- P.D., Dallas

“WHAT IF” QUESTIONS
I ask lots of “what if” questions whenever my daughter enters new territory with her peers. For example, I ask her how she would handle various situations if they should happen. I praise her judgment for good answers, and add a few suggestions to some others. Adolescents are more likely to make safe and wise choices for themselves if they rehearse potential peer pressure situations before they occur.
-- T.L., Pleasanton, Calif.

EVERY HOUR, ON THE HOUR
I got this tip on potty training from a mother of seven children (three sets of twins and a single birth). When it came to potty training my child at age two, it took two days, and that was it. I took his diapers off him the day I began training him, and, every hour on the hour, I put him on the potty. He was able to understand what I was doing, and by the end of the first day, he never wet his pants. My friend said it worked for all seven of her children. She stayed home for the two days and didn't go shopping or do anything else which might disrupt the hourly schedule.
-- Lindie G., Livingston, Mont.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2007 TomMcMahon

>> November 25, 2007

“YUCK, I’M NOT EATING THAT!”

Getting good food into children has been an age-old parenting problem. For decades, most kid tips for finicky eaters involved coaxing and negotiating ("If you eat five more peas and drink your milk”), using fun names (“Here’s some real cowboy beans”) and disguising with food coloring (pink mashed potatoes). The “lie and hide” method (“No sweetie, those green things in the spaghetti sauce are not veggies”) is highly effective, but it doesn’t promote a child’s early appreciation of vegetables. Some kids will grow up claiming they dislike broccoli and zucchini, not knowing that their parents have been feeding it to them for years.

A university study recommends offering a new food item on your child’s plate, without any pressure to eat it. It claims that after seeing the same food item on their plate numerous times — it could be up to 12 times — the child will eat it. The reason: it’s familiar.

Here are some good ideas from our readers:
-- Serve frozen peas (right out of the freezer). They have a nutty taste that kids love.
-- Cut chilled carrot sticks into long, thin pieces. Offer a yogurt dip.
-- Sprinkle parmesan cheese over warm, cooked broccoli.
-- Pour tomato sauce over cooked zucchini.

Kids love the first tip below; after all, it’s fun, and the food is great.

“HAPPY HOUR” PROMOTES VEGGIES
An hour before dinner, I host a “Happy Hour” for my children. I play fun music and serve fresh veggies. Sometimes I serve cold veggies, other times I serve them piping hot. I occasionally offer tasty dips to accompany them. It’s amazing how eagerly children will eat veggies when they are hungry and there is no other food to eat.
-- Carrie L., Livermore, Calif.

CLOCK TICKING IS SOOTHING
To make bedtime easier, I use a windup alarm clock that ticks loudly. For some reason, the sound of that ticking — maybe because it reminds the baby of the mother’s heartbeat while still in the womb — seems to comfort my children when it is time for bed.
-- M.R., Holland, Mass.

A LOVING KEEPSAKE
A wonderful keepsake for a teen or young adult is to present him or her with a memory book on a special occasion (starting college, graduation, a major birthday, wedding, religious ceremony, etc.). Before my daughter left for college in August, I gathered memories of her entire life from friends and family. I organized the memories, along with photos and loving quotes, non-chronologically, in a memory book for her to take along with her. The project helped me (I cried a lot and laughed a lot while working on it) and gave her an irreplaceable treasure to take along with her.
-- A.D., Richmond, Calif.

WHAT A FRIEND IS
Preadolescence is a good time to talk about friendships with your child. Preadolescents often have a skewed view of what a real friend is. I asked my daughter to make a list of "What a friend is," and another one for "What a friend is not." We had a great discussion as we went over the characteristics on her two lists. This simple exercise was a real eye-opener for my daughter, and I believe it influenced her judgments from that point on in selecting friends.
-- Anonymous, Chicago

FOR A RAINY DAY
My younger sisters spent seven hours one day playing creatively with empty boxes they found in our garage. Using a roll of shipping tape, they taped all of the boxes together to make a “house.” They decorated it using scraps of various materials, wrapping paper, markers and crayons they found in the garage and house. No toy could have rivaled the time they had.
-- Laura Gordillo, San Jose, Calif.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2007 TomMcMahon