>> December, 2008

>> December 7, 2008

LESS CAN BE MORE THIS CHRISTMAS

This Christmas season could be one of the best. Less can be more. With the current economic downturn there will be more of a focus on people than things. The “gimme, gimme” needs of past holidays will be toned down this year. Children of all ages are bracing for less stuff.

Since kids usually know more than we think, it’s a good idea to explain why the family will have less to spend this season. That might lead to a discussion about what is important, such as family, friends and our health. Children will understand this and have many questions.

Above all, we can demonstrate to our children the joy of giving to others. Start a family Christmas project for the needy. Ask your children for suggestions as to how they can help others in need. Kids can come up with great ideas.

Thanks to the readers of this column for sharing these clever kid tips. Please email your favorite tip.

THE VALUE OF VOLUNTEER SERVICE
We encourage our children to volunteer their services to a community or church organization that helps people in need. Another option, which a few of our teens took us up on, is to volunteer their time for someone in our community who needs assistance. Volunteer service provides many dividends for teens: it increases their self-esteem, expands their outlook on the world and helps to turn their focus from inward to outward.
-- B.W., Spanish Fork, Utah

CHRISTMAS BOOK EACH NIGHT
Every December I wrap up 15 Christmas books (and now have enough for both children to have their own 15). Each night before bedtime, they both get to choose a book to “open” and read at bedtime. It’s a great incentive to get the bedtime ritual done earlier — they love opening the present — and, most of all, we all enjoy the gift of reading. I have also done the same with Christmas videos — every few days, we open one to watch. The rest of the year, I keep the books and videos hidden away.
-- Reba C., Springdale, Ark.

HANGING SHOE BAG HOLDS MITTENS
A great way to organize all those mittens, gloves and scarves is to use a hanging shoe bag that has multiple compartments. My husband and I use the upper compartments and our children use the lower ones.
-- R.H.P., Vancouver, Wash.

PAID FOR BEING A NONSMOKER
To encourage my grandchildren not to smoke, I agreed to pay them the cost of a pack of cigarettes per day from their sixteenth birthday until they reach 21, if they never smoke. So far, it's worked; neither of my teenage grandchildren smoke. I deposit the money in each of their savings accounts each month, which will be used for education. The money is even a strong enough incentive to overcome the peer pressure to smoke. They tell their friends, "I would be crazy to give up all that money for this."
-- J.E.D., Bellingham, Wash.
Note: Instead of using a “pack per day” price, you could come up with a monthly dollar amount. (T.M.)

ROLL UP SANDWICHES
If your children are tired of traditional sandwiches, try a roll-up sandwich. My three children prefer them. I use flour tortillas or white bread that I flatten with a rolling pin. I place yummy ingredients (turkey, ham, egg salad, or peanut butter and jelly) on top, and then roll it up.
-- P.T.W., Irving, Texas

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>> December 14, 2008

NAG LESS, ARGUE LESS WITH THIS STRATEGY

The discipline strategy of “Natural Consequence” allows the logical consequences of a situation to take place without parental interference. It always offers a choice and it promotes self-discipline.

Example: A parent tires of nagging her daughter to do her homework each evening, so she stops nagging and allows natural consequences to take over. Her daughter does not turn in her English homework for two weeks, at which time she shows her mother a note from her teacher. The note informs the daughter that she may have to repeat sophomore English next year. The mother tells her daughter that the issue is between her and her teacher. "Remember," says her mother, "I'm not involved in homework battles anymore." Not wanting to miss graduating with her peers, the daughter begins catching up with her homework without any nagging from anyone.

Be creative in using this strategy; there are infinite applications (curfews, chores, breaking a rule, etc.). However, “Natural Consequences” are not recommended for potentially dangerous activities.

Thanks to the parents who sent in a favorite tip this week. Enjoy spending time with your family.

“WHAT’S THE CONSEQUENCE?”
Our children know exactly what the consequence will be if they do not abide by our rules. If my daughter does not complete a household chore, she will be assigned an additional chore to do. If my son does not get his dirty clothes to the laundry room by Saturday morning, he will not have clean clothes for school unless he washes them himself. And so on. When they break a family rule, I simply say, “What’s the consequence?” There is no arguing, no yelling or hurt feelings. They learn quickly that it is easier to follow the rules than to have the consequence.
-- P.T. Ring, Minneapolis

HOLIDAY ACTIVITIES EACH DAY
Instead of using a typical advent calendar this year, I have organized daily holiday activities for our children: Write letters to Santa, get a photo with Santa, watch a Christmas parade, decorate the tree, wrap presents for teachers, gather up old toys to donate, bake cookies for neighbors, an evening drive to see Christmas lights, etc. On Christmas Eve we set out the cookies for Santa. Cut out Christmas trees or other holiday shapes from construction paper. (You can use die cuts from teaching supply or arts and crafts store). Then write one activity per shape and number the shapes for each day leading up to Dec. 24. Tie a ribbon through a hole at the top of the shape and hang from the mantel or fake tree. Each day the kids will have a fun activity.
-- L. Knowlton, San Marcos, Calif.

EASY DRESSING WITH LONG SLEEVES
Putting long sleeved clothing items on small children can often be a chore because their thumbs get caught inside the sleeve. If you first put a small sock on each of their little hands, their arms will glide right up the sleeve with no problem.
-- D. Markitan, Martinsville, Ind.

CHRISTMAS TOYS READY TO GO
Last year my husband and I started a new Christmas Eve tradition. Instead of spending so much time wrapping presents for our children, we make each present more accessible and ready to go for Christmas morning. We undo all or most of the packaging of the presents. We take off all the ties, plastic bindings, tape, etc., that hold dolls and toys in their packaging, and install batteries when needed.
– Mrs. Daryn R., Concord, Calif.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>> December 21, 2008

ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE, SAY “THANK-YOU” MORE

Last week’s column presented the discipline strategy of “Natural Consequences.” This week we will focus on the most basic strategy for improving behavior — Positive Reinforcement. You simply catch your children being good. Reinforce that behavior immediately with praise and attention, a simple thank you, an extra privilege or a fancy sticker. Young children and teens respond better to positive comments than negative ones.

Example 1: Your daughter has been quite lax about completing her chores on time, which has caused a few arguments. One afternoon you notice that she finished one of her chores early, and you comment, "Thanks for unloading the dishwasher so early. It's nice to have that done before dinner." You make a similar comment each time she completes a chore on time. In a few days, all of her chores are completed on time.

More examples: “Thank you for cleaning up your room. It looks great!” and "You used good judgment last night when you took your friend's keys away from him after he had been drinking." It is a simple and effective strategy.

Thanks for the parents who shared a kid tip with us this week. Please send in your favorite holiday tip.

POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT WORKS WONDERS
When my 3-year-old son is having difficulty with his behavior, we make a list of all the good things he has done during the day. When Daddy comes home, we read the list to him with great fanfare. We find that this focus on the positive is a great motivator!
-- R.S., Hill Air Force Base, Utah

SAVE YOUR ANNUAL FAMILY CHRISTMAS LETTERS FOR YOUR KIDS
Like many people at Christmastime, I send out an annual letter to family and friends that mentions some of the highlights of our year, especially the main activities and successes of my young daughter, Marisol. I have created a binder in which I will save all of these letters, and I’ll give it to my daughter when she grows up. The letters will serve as a concise chronicle of her childhood and adolescence, highlighting the positive.
-- Laurel Cress, San Mateo, Calif.

"SAY GOOD NIGHT TO YOUR PARENTS"
My wife and I usually wait up for our teenagers when they go out in the evening with friends or on a date. We believe that they are less inclined to get into trouble if they have to face their parents when they get home. So far, we think it's working.
-- B.W., Tacoma, Wash.

GET A GRIP
If your baby struggles to hold a slippery bottle while drinking, add a few strips of heavy tape, like grip tape (found in hardware stores and sporting equipment).
-- P.L., Gastonia, NC.

MAILBOX FOR KIDS
Help your child decorate a shoebox, then cut a long slit along the top of the box. Whenever you come in with the mail, place all the junk mail inside your child’s “mailbox.” Kids love to open mail — especially letters, this time of year, that contain free stickers. They can also practice writing by filling out the many forms they find. Occasionally, write your child a loving note (complete with envelope) and place it inside the box.
-- Mary

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>> December 28, 2008

THREE STEPS TO EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE

The Three-Step Approach is simple and effective.
Step 1 is to explain the rule or rules to your children, from age five through the teen years. Step 2 is to clearly explain what the consequences will be for disobeying your rule. Recommended consequences could include time-outs, taking away privileges, getting grounded or extra chores. Step 3 is to always follow through with step 2 — the consequence — if the rule is broken. This is where most parents fail. They get wimpy and ignore the broken rule. Before you know it, there are no rules.

Example: You tell your 16-year-old son what his curfew is for Friday evening. Then you explain the consequence for missing curfew: being grounded the next day. Your son comes home 15-minutes later than his curfew. You enforce the consequence (being grounded) the next day. No exceptions. You must be consistent in following through to make this discipline strategy work. It is as easy as 1-2-3.

Thanks to the parents who contributed a tip to this week’s column. Please send me your favorite parenting tips.

WRITTEN AGREEMENT
When I make an agreement with my teenage daughter or establish new rules, I often put it in writing and we both sign it. Both the rule and the consequence for disobeying that rule is clearly written out. The formality of a written agreement means more to teens; they take it more seriously.
-- C.G., Indianapolis

SAVE MASTERPIECES ON THE COMPUTER
Instead of saving the originals of your child’s artwork, scan them into your computer for safekeeping. Kids love to see their masterpieces pop up on the computer’s desktop or Screen-Saver.
-- R.C., Knoxville, Ten.

CULINARY SKILLS FOR CHILDREN
My husband and I have three children, ranging from nine to 22 years. For special occasions, I prepare a menu. I assign one to two things on the menu to each person. I usually guide each of them in preparing their dish. It’s a lot of fun, and we all spend quality time in the kitchen, plus they each learn something new. I've always felt that my children should know how to do for themselves, and it helps them get a lesson in nutrition also. Each of them remembers these times and look forward to more special occasions.
-- L.C.P., El Paso, Texas

REMOVING CRAYON FROM WALLPAPER
If little hands mistaken your wallpaper for a crayon coloring book, fear not, there is hope. Heat the crayon marks with a hair dryer. When the crayon wax heats up, wipe it off with a damp cloth. If there is still a stain, use a damp cloth with a small amount of mild soap.
-- B. Hoffman, Seattle

FRIDAY IS KID’S NIGHT
When our daughter and son were preschoolers, we started a tradition called “Friday nights.” Every Friday was their night. They got to choose what they wanted for supper, what games we played afterward and where they wanted to sleep. They planned it between the two of them, and never had any disagreements, as they were in charge. We made red-tinted pancakes, peanut butter on a variety of foods, and other concoctions. One night we slept on blankets in the back yard. Nothing was too silly; if they planned it, we did it. Our children are adults now, but they recall those Friday nights as their best times.
– F. Henry, Lincoln City, Ore.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon