>>March, 2008

>> March 2, 2008

HOMEWORK: HOW MUCH IS APPROPRIATE FOR GRADES 7-12

Last week’s column centered on the issues of homework for elementary school children. Today we focus on older children, those in grades seven to 12, to determine if homework is beneficial, and if so, what amount is appropriate.
Dr. Harris Cooper and his research colleagues at Duke University found a positive link between homework and achievement for students in grades seven to 12. While it’s clear that homework is a critical part of the learning process, Cooper said the analysis also showed that too much homework can be counter-productive for students at all levels.

“Homework for junior high students appears to reach the point of diminishing returns after about 90 minutes a night. For high school students, the positive line continues to climb until between 90 minutes and 2½ hours of homework a night, after which returns diminish,” said Cooper.

In junior and senior high, the amount of homework will vary by subject. Many school district policies state that high school students should expect about 30 minutes of homework for each academic course they take — a bit more for honors or advanced placement courses.

The National PTA and the National Education Association offer a highly recommended and informative parent guide titled “Helping Your Child Get the Most Out of Homework (www.nea.org/parents/homework.html).”

Thanks to our readers who shared a parenting tip with us this week.

HOMEWORK TROUBLES
The best advice about homework and teenagers is to back off and make them responsible. The more parents nag their teens about homework, the more it escalates into a power struggle between them. Let your teen know that the ball is in his court. Advise him that you will help him anytime he needs it, but otherwise you will not be discussing homework with him. The worst thing that can happen is that he will flunk out and will have to repeat the class. It sounds harsh, but I learned the hard way that it really works. I was always rescuing my son because I didn't want him to fail. I realized that this approach was not teaching him responsibility and independence. It took awhile for him to turn things around, but he did and he now has A’s and B’s to show for it.
-- D.R., Tabernacle, N.J.

FOR THAT FRESH LAUNDRY SMELL
Add 1/3 cup of baking soda to the rinse water to make baby’s laundry smell fresh. -- D. Martinez, Fremont, Calif.

CRIB CLIMBER
Years ago, our not-yet-1-year-old decided he could climb out of his crib, which he did at 2:00 A.M. He threw trash all over the house, emptied drawers, etc. Our pediatrician advised us to cover the crib to prevent injury, but none of the covers we devised were safe enough. Finally, we sewed a triangular piece of knit fabric between the top of the legs of his sleepers, and that has cured the "climbing" problem. The child can walk and crawl, but he cannot spread his legs to get out of the crib. If the child figures out how to unzip and take off the sleeper, put the sleeper on backwards so the zipper is in the back.
-- Michele L., Omaha, Neb.

CUP TASTES BETTER THAN BOTTLE
Trading in a bottle for a cup is a big deal for many toddlers. The trick is to find a great-tasting drink that rings their bell. Keep experimenting until you find one they like. Each of my kids liked something different.
-- C.H., Palm Bay, Flor.

BEDTIME ANXIETY
My 4-year-old went through a stage of having a difficult time separating from me at bedtime. He wanted me to lie down and stay with him until he fell asleep. After a few weeks of this lengthy routine, I came up with the idea of telling him that I would check on him in five minutes. I placed a clock in his room so he could follow the minute hand. I came back in exactly five minutes and stayed only a few seconds, but promised to be back in 10 minutes. Then 15 minutes. By this time he was usually asleep, probably mesmerized by the minute hand on the clock.
-- S.T., Albany, NY

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>> March 9, 2008

THE INNOCENCE OF CHILDHOOD REMEMBERED

I would have remembered only a tiny fraction of my children’s early years if it were not for the thousands of photos we have around the house. Some are memorialized on the walls and shelves, the rest are in several boxes and the hard drives of our computers. They are precious; they’re the first items we would grab if we had to evacuate our home.

Ray and Amy Watson of Livermore, Calif., have started a collection of their own, one that I would title “The World according to Jesse and Justin” — the cute and funny comments of their two young boys. The funniest ones become the annual Christmas letter.

This is a two-for-one tip: not only do you collect your children’s precious words for posterity, but also your holiday letter will be done. Here’s a sampling from the mouths of babes:

--(After passing gas) “Mommy, I have a duck in my diaper.”
--“Did God draw our body on paper before he made us?”
--“Mommy, there was no school because it was ‘King Kong Day’” (confusing it with Martin Luther King Jr. Day).”
-- Jesse asked, “When you die how do you know if you are in heaven?” Justin responded, “Put it this way. If you see me, you are in heaven. If you don’t see me, you are in hell.”
-- Justin told Jesse to hurry up. Jesse responded by putting his fingers in his ears while saying, “I can’t see you!”
--“Mommy, let’s get a poodle. They’re just like a dog, only cuter.”

Thanks to the parents and grandparents who shared a kid tip this week.

FAMILY PHOTOS AND VIDEOS OF HAPPIER TIMES
At times when your children are feeling bad about themselves or having friendship problems, get out the photo albums or slip on a family video showing happier times with friends and family.
-- Anonymous, Newark, Calif.

WRITING PRACTICE FOR YOUNG CHILDREN
Here's a great way to keep early writers busy while shopping. I give my
5-year-old daughter a small notebook and a pen when we go to just about any store. While I shop, she "collects" words. She finds short words on signs and containers, and she copies them into her notebook. When we leave the store, I give her a penny for every word she writes, and I'll give her a nickel if she can sound the word out to me. I get time to shop in peace while she concentrates on writing; she gets money she can spend on whatever she wants, and learns to write and read. We both win!
-- Amy Anderson, Orlando, Fla.

ARROWS HELP MATCH SHOES
I used a magic marker to put an arrow in the sole of each of my daughter’s shoes that pointed toward the middle. In other words, in the left shoe the arrow would point to the right, and in the right shoe the arrow would point to the left. That way, she was able to put on her shoes without asking for help.
-- Dan R., Rolling Meadows, Ill.

A "RANSOM BOX"
When my children were growing up, they often left their toys out after playing with them. I would remind them to pick them up. If they didn't, I put them in the "Ransom Box." To get them back, they had to pay a nominal fine out of their allowance or do an assigned task or chore. They learned to keep their toys picked up.
– I.K., Fremont, Calif.

"YOU DON'T TRUST ME, DO YOU?"
Whenever I hear that comment from one of my teens in response to hearing that they can't attend a specific activity, I reply, "I trust you, but I don't trust this situation for your age group. I'm going to listen to my instincts this time." Even though they may still argue about my ruling, I believe that they at least understand my concerns.
-- T.A.R., Tucson, Ariz.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>> March 16, 2008

MONEY-SAVING TIPS FOR PARENTS

Instead of buying expensive over-the-counter oatmeal baths for itchy skin conditions, make your own. Pour 1 cup of regular oatmeal into a white, cotton athletic sock. Tie a knot at the top and toss it into the bathwater. Rub the sock on your child’s itchy skin.

Instead of buying an expensive video player for your car, make some audiotapes of your children’s favorite movies, videos or TV shows and play them during car rides. Your children will enjoy listening to the words and music while they visualize each scene.

Instead of buying a $60 sound conditioner (white-noise machine) that makes dreamy rain and surf sounds to help your baby sleep, set your radio dial between two stations for dreamy static. It works like a charm.

Here’s more great ideas for saving money. Send me your favorites.

FUNNY WRAPPING PAPER
We had seven children in 10 years, and they were invited to many birthday parties throughout the years. I used the comic strips from the Sunday newspaper to wrap gifts instead of buying fancy wrapping paper, and it worked great. In fact, we have 17 grandchildren now, and I have continued using it for them. They know immediately whom the gift is from.
-- Teresa Dempewolf, Modesto, Calif.

INEXPENSIVE REMEDY FOR DIAPER RASH
Maybe it’s old-fashioned, but inexpensive cornstarch worked better than drugstore ointments for clearing up my children’s diaper rash.
-- Joan K., Moscow, Idaho
Note: Cornstarch is also free of perfumes and other chemicals. To prevent it from clumping, mix a small amount of cornstarch baby powder with regular cooking cornstarch. (T.M.)

SAVE THOSE DIAPERS THAT YOUR CHILD HAS OUTGROWN
When your baby outgrows a diaper size but you still have some left over in an open package, save those and use them to put under your baby when you're changing dirty diapers. You won't have to wash your changing-pad cover quite so often, and you'll be using those diapers instead of just throwing them away. These diapers can be used to clean up household spills and messes too.
-- Megan Miller, Orlando, Fla.

INEXPENSIVE FAMILY VIDEOS
Don’t overlook your local library for free family videos and music albums. Also, some of the large drug and food stores have a great selection of family videos to rent for as little as 50 cents.
-- C.R.R., Knoxville, Tenn.

VINEGAR IN THE DIAPER PAIL
Putting vinegar in the bottom of your diaper pail (about ½ cup) prevents odors. A gallon of white distilled vinegar costs only a few dollars.
-- L. Ruuska, Merrillville, Ind.

BABY-SITTING EXCHANGE
We began a baby-sitting exchange with our neighbor that has saved our sanity! Here's how it works: On a weekend night, once my neighbor's children are in bed, my neighbor gives me a call and I go over to baby-sit until 11:30 p.m. Then, on the following weekend, I call my neighbor once my kids are down for the night, and she comes over to baby-sit for us until 11:30 p.m. (the husbands stay home). The advantages of this exchange are innumerable, but here are the top five: 1)Our kids keep their normal bedtime routines. 2)No payment is made for baby-sitting. 3)There is security in knowing that another mom is watching my kids. 4)Each couple enjoys some alone time and a romantic dinner out twice a month. 5)Even the mom doing the baby-sitting has several hours of total relaxation!
-- K.T.H., San Jose, Calif.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>> March 23, 2008

DREADED TASKS BECOME FUN WITH A LITTLE CREATIVITY

A lot has been written about the effects of divorce on children. In my humble opinion, Edward Teber, the author of “Helping your Children with Divorce,” offers the most relevant and concise advice for parents who want to minimize the negative effects of divorce on their children:

“One of the strongest determinants of how well a child adjusts to a divorce is whether or not the ex-spouses support each other in their continuing relationship as parents. Children benefit when both parents coexist peacefully and accept that their ex-spouse is important to their children.”

Secondary in importance is having continuity between the two parents and the environments in which the children live. Ex-spouses should agree on rules and discipline, chores, mealtimes and bedtimes. The more continuity in your children’s lives, the more content they will be. They find great comfort in family routines.
Thirdly, practice authoritative parenting, the parenting style that is often associated with positive outcomes. Authoritative parents are warm and nurturing, they encourage communication, yet they set clear and appropriate rules for their children.

Thanks to the readers of this column for sending in so many clever kid tips.

DIVORCED DAD VISITS KIDS VIA WEBCAM
I never thought that a high-tech gadget would make a difference in my family after a divorce, but it has. A Webcam (small camera) connected to my computer and another one connected to my ex-wife’s computer allows my two children and me to visit via cyberspace in a sort of video conference. Since I now live a few hours away by car from my two children, the Webcams keep us connected during the weeks my ex-wife has custody of the children. The kids can even hold up things for me to see, such as a school project. Other divorced or separated parents may want to give it a try.
-- Anonymous
Note: Webcams can also be a fun way for kids to stay connected to grandparents. Some computers, including Apple products, have built-in Webcams.(T.M.)

PREVENTING EAR INFECTIONS
Parents can reduce the chance of their babies getting ear infections. First, a baby should never be allowed to lie on his back or side while drinking a bottle. The liquid can back up into his Eustachian tubes and cause blockage in the ears. This is a common cause of ear infections. Second, breast-feeding encourages a feeding position that keeps the baby’s head slightly elevated, thereby limiting the possibility of liquid draining to the ears. Also, breast milk contains antibodies that can prevent ear infections.
-- Adel Y., Fremont, Calif.

LEFTOVERS SERVED WITH A FLAIR
I have found a fun and creative way to use up the leftovers in our refrigerator. Once a week, I make a list of all the leftovers available for dinner. Then I put on my fanciest apron, add a few elegant French words to my vocabulary and begin taking orders from each family member. I rattle off the complete menu for that evening, including drinks. The kids love it, my husband rolls his eyes and I get an empty fridge.
-- L.A.A., Salt Lake City

CHECK OUT TOYS
Toys can clutter up a child’s room in no time. To discourage this, we started a practice of checking out toys from a large cabinet that had a safety lock on it. Each child could check out three toys at a time. When they finished playing with those toys, they could check out three more. The cabinet contained toys (games, puzzles, etc.), but books were always available in each child’s room.
-- Bonnie L., Fremont, Calif.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>> March 30, 2008

GRANDPARENTS MAKE THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE

The role of grandparents in our society has expanded beyond doting on their grandchildren, baby-sitting, offering emotional support when needed and sometimes even financial assistance. Over the past decade, millions of grandparents have added another role — raising children.

These children usually end up living with their grandparents because there is no other alternative except for foster care. Most are infants and young children. Many come with preexisting problems such as neglect, abuse, loss of parents (incarceration, abandonment and death) and prenatal addiction. Poverty and drug addiction play a leading role in this nation-wide problem, followed by teen pregnancies and the high rate of divorce.

When grandparents are called to give up their long awaited retirement plans for full-time childcare, most will rise to the occasion. They know what will happen if they don’t. It is the ultimate sacrifice. I admire them for stepping up to the plate one more time for the sake of a child, to offer him or her a future and a feeling of love and belonging.

For information about raising grandchildren, contact the Grandparent Information Center at gic@aarp.org or 1-888-687-2277. Another highly recommended site is www.uwex.edu/relationships/factsheets.html.

Thanks to the grandparents and parents who shared one of their kid tips with us this week.

GRANDMOTHER’S WISDOM
When my children were young, my mother came from Michigan to visit. We had plans to go out and do some fun things. However, I was rushing around the house cleaning up first. My mother watched for a few minutes, then said, as I was washing fingerprints off the door, “In 18 years, your children will be gone, and there will be no fingerprints to remove. Enjoy your children now because they grow up too fast.” I now appreciate her wisdom, as all of my children are grown and living far away.
-- Elise L., Lafayette, Calif.

DIVIDE AND CONQUER
It's best if both parents are in accord with the major decisions concerning their teens. Talk with your spouse and try to come to an agreement before you announce the decision to your teen. Otherwise, you will undoubtedly hear comments such as, "But Dad said I could!" Teenagers are masters at playing one parent against the other until they get their way.
-- A.B., Bountiful, Utah
Note: Another way to avoid much of this conflict is to allow the parent who will be most affected by the outcome of a request to be the one to make the final decision, or the parent with the most expertise in a particular area can have the final say.

CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR
To discourage my children from tossing their clothes on the floor, I charge them for each clothing item found on the floor: 10¢ for dirty clothes and 25¢ for clean items. I tally up the total and make them pay me on the spot. After the first two days of this practice they started to keep their clothes where they belonged.
-- Angie B., Fremont, Calif.

KID-FRIENDLY CHOPSTICKS
Here’s a tip that will enable even young children to use chopsticks. Connect two chopsticks tightly together with a rubber band near the top of the chopsticks. Then slip a folded piece of paper between the chopsticks, directly below the rubber band. The thicker the paper, the wider the chopsticks will open. You’ll be amazed to see how easy they are to use.
-- H. Kim, Bremerton, Wash.

BABY WIPES FOR HALF THE COST
When my two children were in diapers, I’d buy a tub of baby wipes and cut them in half. Sometimes I’d even cut them in quarters. I never needed a whole baby wipe to clean such little bottoms. On top of saving money, I also felt good about not wasting wipes.
-- Meldy P., Hayward, Calif.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon