>> january, 2008

>> October 5, 2008

IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A TEENAGER

It is quite common for teenagers to have a low opinion of their parents. Mark Twain was no exception: “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learnt in seven years.” Teens often perceive their parents as stupid and old-fashioned, while their parents’ friends remain smart (but not to their own kids).

Children benefit when they have one or more adults besides their parents who are positive role models and who exemplify good family values. The other adults could be relatives, teachers, religious or scout leaders, coaches, family friends or even neighbors. These adults can play a significant role in the lives of our children. Besides reinforcing family values, they can also be a confidant to our children, especially during adolescence, when kids need someone to talk to besides their parents. And in some situations, the opinions of these adults carry more weight with teens than those of their own parents, as these other adults are perceived as being more objective and sometimes more credible. Parents, don’t fret. You will be smart again in a few years.

In the meantime, take advantage of this sage advice from our first contributor.

DROP EVERYTHING WHEN THEY NEED TO TALK
Listen to your teenager. Drop whatever you are doing, even if it’s important, whenever your child tells you that she needs to talk to you.
-- Linda R., Lincoln, Neb.

“THIS DOESN’T WORK WITH GRANDMA”
Periodically our granddaughters stay for a weekend. Approximately one year ago, my oldest began to have tantrums. My wife very calmly said to her “That does not work with Grandma,” and the tantrums stopped. During a recent stay, our youngest granddaughter began to tantrum, and her sister said to her, “That does not work with Grandma,” and the tantrum ended. It worked for us, and it may work for you.
-- G.M., Fremont, Calif.

GRANDCHILDREN ON DISPLAY
Our daughter gives us copies of the grandchildren's school photos each year, and we always display them in our living room, putting the most recent in front of past years. One day as I was installing the latest photo, I thought it was a waste to "hide" those past photos, so I put them into a montage in a poster frame on my hall wall, a separate frame for each child. It's wonderful to look at those outdated photos of our grandchildren as they progressed through the years - we enjoy them every time we walk down the hall. And the grandchildren love to see themselves on display. Our guests, too, enjoy seeing the photos, many saying, "We should do that!"
-- Barbara, Livermore, Calif.

FROM BABY BED TO TWIN BED
The trick that enabled an easy transition from baby bed to twin bed for our 2-year-old was to use a twin bed for naps. After getting used to napping in the big bed for two weeks, she adjusted immediately to sleeping in her big bed at night. Slow transitions help kids overcome new situations.
-- J.H., Frankfort, Ind.

CARAMEL PULLS LOOSE TOOTH
As a kid, I would gently chew a small piece of caramel whenever I had an extremely loose tooth. It usually worked like a charm to pull out the tooth.
-- Matt Rogers, Milpitas, Calif.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>> October 12, 2008

FOLLOW THROUGH WITH PARENTAL THREATS

One of the biggest mistakes parents make is not following through with a threat or rule. Kids know immediately that they don’t have to comply. Carolyn, from Danville, Calif. shares in her e-mail the importance of following through:

“When my two oldest children were only 4 and 5 years old, they had an impressionable encounter at the grocery store. While shopping, the two of them were being disobedient no matter how diligently I tried to keep them engaged in our task. Finally, I told them, ‘One more time and we will leave and you will go home and sit in your rooms.’ Eyeing my teeming cart, I guess they thought I was too far along to stop now. Well, they were very wrong. They continued to argue with one another. I said, ‘That's it!’ I brought my cart to the store manager and told him how sorry I was to leave my groceries. I explained how badly my kids had behaved even after I threatened them with an ultimatum. ‘I understand,’ he said, ‘I’m a parent.’ My two children stood sheepishly behind me, equally stunned and embarrassed. Home we went. They stayed in their rooms until dinner. Since then, my children have been well-behaved little shoppers. Thankfully, I never had to pull a stunt like that again. From then on, my kids knew that when I said something I meant it.”

Thanks to the parents who shared one of their favorite kid tips with us.

PICK UP YOUR TOYS OR LOSE THEM FOR A DAY
If my children didn’t pick up their toys, I would confiscate the toys for a day or longer. The next time I asked my children to pick up, they were more motivated to comply.
-- Anonymous, Sunnyvale, Calif.

FRIDGE HAS SPECIAL DRAWER
I keep good, healthy kids’ munchies (yogurt, fruit in small pieces, cheese sticks, etc.) in one special drawer in our refrigerator. My two young kids love to pick out their favorites by themselves.
-- M.S.T., Springfield, Mass.

IF YOU CAN USE A COMPUTER, YOU CAN USE A MAYTAG
I generally do the family laundry all together to conserve resources, but my husband made a suggestion to help our two teenage sons become more self-sufficient. I created a chart for the laundry-room wall with sorting instructions and directions for choosing cycles and laundry products for each type of load. Our sons can now take care of their own things in a pinch, while learning a skill that will serve them well in college and beyond.
-- Lynn H., Oskaloosa, Iowa

DOMINOES FOR KIDS
After hearing my children tell me how bored they were the other day, I got out my domino set. I showed them how to line up the dominoes in creative ways, then how to knock them over by pushing the last one against the next in line. They squealed with delight as they watched the dominoes fall in progression. They played with the dominoes almost all afternoon, and always asked me to come watch the next "knock down."
-- S.D., Tacoma, Wash.

TV SHOW HELPS DISCUSS VALUES
For the past few months, my 14-year-old daughter and I have been watching a popular teen drama on television. I started watching because I was concerned about some of the scenarios (e.g. alcohol abuse, sexuality) on the show that my daughter had described to me. To my surprise, I found that the show became a chance for my daughter and I to share our views on a variety of life issues in a relaxed way. It’s much easier to talk about certain topics as they apply to a TV character. We have even found that many of our views are much the same, and we often moan and cheer together the decisions that the young people on the show make.
– Anonymous

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>>October 19, 2008

PARENTS: THE BUCK STOPS HERE FOR GENERATIONAL CHANGE

Generation after generation passes along the family’s way of life: the weird and wonderful, the good and bad — to the next generation. Mostly it is good, since we cling to family traditions that give us comfort and a sense of belonging. We also cling to familiar things that we would be better off not keeping, such as fatherless homes, drug abuse, obesity, high-school dropouts, child abuse, teen pregnancy and poverty, just to mention a few. In other words, if you did not have a father around when you were young, chances are your own son will probably not have one either. If a mother gave birth at age 16, that baby might have a baby of her own during her teen years.

Soon after my wife and I were married and had hopes for children someday, we vowed to leave behind some of the negative issues from our own two families for the sake of our children. We learned how hard it is to change deep-seeded behaviors. It takes someone in the family to stand up and say, “That’s it! This isn’t healthy. We’re making changes.” By eliminating one detrimental and perpetual behavior within the family, you will change the path for generations behind you.

Thanks to the parents and grandparents who sent in a tip this week. Send in your favorite parenting tip.

WRITE A RESEARCH PAPER ABOUT SMOKING
When I caught my daughter smoking, I told her that she was grounded until she wrote a 10-page research paper on the dangers of smoking. It was a real eye-opener for her.
-- J.A.C., Minneapolis
Note: The American Lung Association would be happy to send you or your teenager information about smoking, including brochures and graphic pictures of the effects smoking has on the lungs. Call your local chapter, or go to its Web site (www.lungusa.org, click on “Quit smoking” and “Your lungs” at the top of the home page).

CURE FOR BEING AFRAID OF THE DARK
My young son used to be afraid of the dark, which made bedtime a struggle. This issue was solved soon after I bought him a package of glow-in-the-dark stars. Instead of attaching the stars to the ceiling, I placed them inside a clear plastic box. He couldn’t wait for me to turn off his light so he could play with the stars in bed. He would toss them in the air, look at them glow under his pajamas and manipulate them in creative ways each evening. He even enjoyed watching them glow after he returned them to the box.
-- Lucy R.L., Fremont, Calif.

CHILDREN LOVE SUGARY CEREALS
You can cut down the amount of sugary cereals your children eat by mixing at least half with a healthier cereal. Gradually mix an even higher proportion of the healthy cereal, but stop short of your kids getting suspicious.
-- K.T., Portland, Ore.

IS IT A MUFFIN OR IS IT ZUCCHINI?
I cleverly disguise vegetables in tiny bite-size muffins made with a little sugar, whole-wheat flour and egg substitute. They are highly nutritious and great tasting. Moms and dads love them too!
-- Vicki S., Irvine, Calif.

COLOR-CODED KITCHEN AND BATH ITEMS
When our four children were growing up, we assigned a color to each one (red, green, yellow and blue), which we then used for their towels, drinking glasses, toothbrushes, etc. It was easy for them to identify which was theirs and avoid using those of their siblings.
-- Margaret K.M., Des Moines

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>> October 26, 2008

A NEW TOY FOR LONG-DISTANCE GRANDPARENTS

My wife and I have lengthy face-to-face chats with our two grown daughters. Last week, one daughter showed us around her apartment, and the next day our other daughter gave us a grand tour of her two-story dorm. She introduced us to some of her dorm mates. We waved and said hello. What’s amazing about this is that one daughter lives 950 miles from home, and the other 6,000 miles away. Both have a laptop computer.

An easy-to-use and mostly free program called “Skype” creates this magic. All you need is a Webcam ($30 to $100) and a download of the program (www.skype.com). It takes 10 to 15 minutes to set up. Skype-to-Skype calls, video calls and conference calls with up to 25 people are free. Some services have a reasonable fee.

With Skype, my nephew and his wife will show off their newborn baby, Allison. Grandparents living far away can now interact daily with their grandchildren. Children can talk to and see their parent while traveling on business. And my wife will continue to sign-off Skype by “rubbing noses” against the computer screen with our daughters.

Thanks to the parents and grandparents who sent in a favorite kid tip this week.

ULTIMATUM FOR MESSY BEDROOMS
My two teen girls were slobs! Finally, I came up with a solution. I told them both that I would no longer buy clothes for them until they kept their rooms neat and clean for two months straight. I would buy underwear, socks and shoes, but nothing else. They had to have their clothes picked up, beds made, rooms dusted and vacuumed and wastebaskets emptied. One day the youngest daughter buckled down and got busy! She would ask me if I had noticed her clean room, and I would tell her she was doing a great job and to keep it up. She did for the full two months. My oldest daughter did nothing with her room. However, when her sister came home with new clothes, she changed her tune. I reminded her of the rules. It has been a couple of years now and they have never gone back to the mess they had before.
-- C.B. Ceres, Calif.

OUCHLESS BANDAGES
An ouchless way to peel off an adhesive bandage is to let your child soak in the tub first.
-- P.T., Dallas

“NO! YOU’RE NOT MY PARENTS!”
Because the world has changed since we were kids, we have had to teach our kids what to do if a stranger ever tried to take them. We instructed our children to yell as loud as they can: “No! You’re not my parents!” That way, bystanders know immediately the difference between a child in trouble and a child simply rebelling against his or her parents.
-- K.T.H., San Jose, Calif.

CHOOSE YOUR PUNISHMENT
We keep a bag loaded with small strips of paper, each describing a different punishment. When our children need to be disciplined for a minor violation, they must reach into the bag with their eyes closed and pull out one slip of paper. They are then required to complete that punishment. The punishments range from extra household chores to no allowance for a week. Other punishments take away privileges, such as no television or video games for two or more days. Occasionally, we even include punishments suggested by our children.
-- Keith G., Portland, Ore.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon