>> september, 2008

>> September 7, 2008

TEEN TEXT-MESSAGING: TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

A grandmother who is raising her 13-year-old grandson contacted me recently after discovering that her grandson had amassed over 8,000 text messages during the past month. The bill looked more like a phone book. Besides the cost, the real shocker was what she found in the lengthy, detailed bill. He had been text-messaging constantly during his school classes, late at night (often after 1 a.m.) and even during church services.

Texting is so popular and often addicting for teens that some wireless phone companies have raised the limit of 5,000 monthly text messages to an unlimited number for an additional monthly fee (around $30).

Today’s teens are quick and nimble with their fingers, which they use with great dexterity for communicating. They also have their own abbreviated texting code, such as cu2moro (See you tomorrow) and PIR (Parents in room). Some code words, like “u” for “you,” have even found their way to my college students’ term papers, which I thoroughly enjoy marking down. Also, employers have noticed a drop in oral communication skills in recent years.

I have a sneaky feeling that my two college-aged daughters call me the BHOF (hint—first word is bald). To find the answer and more text messaging codes go to http://www.netlingo.com/emailsh.cfm.

SET LIMITS FOR TEXT MESSAGING
If your preteen or teen spends too much time text messaging, set firm limits. The easiest way to keep track of the text-messaging is to frequently review your current bill. By looking at your paperless bill online you can see the exact times your child was texting. If it’s during a school class period or late at night, take your child’s cell phone away or apply other restrictions. For example, my middle-schooler cannot bring his cell phone to school anymore because of his prior misconduct with it.
-- C.J., Discovery Bay, Calif.

MOBILE OVER THE CHANGING TABLE
A colorful mobile hanging over the changing table is a great distraction for babies as they get their diapers changed.
-- P. Anderson, Clinton, Miss.

NAME-CALLING AND GENERAL NEGATIVITY
There was an unusual amount of name calling and general negativity going on in our home until I came up with a solution. Whenever someone said something negative about another person, they had to say 10 positive things about that person. The first time this happened, after explaining this new rule to the family, was when my oldest daughter said a negative thing to her younger sister’s friend while they were playing cards: “You have funny eyebrows.” She had to come up with 10 positive things to a person she barely knew. It was difficult, but she did it! This was a rule I rarely had to enforce. All on their own, the children would remind each other about the rule and wait for their 10 positives! And this rule included anyone in our home! Now, several years later, we never have a problem with name calling or an overriding negative spirit in our home.
-- C.B., Ceres, Calif.

INCENTIVE FOR BIG-BOY BED
When my older son was 2 years and 3 months old, we began to transition him from the crib to the big-boy bed. He was very excited about having a new bed, but when it came down to sleeping in it, he was scared. So, I bought some fancy stickers and made a chart with blank spaces for the stickers. I told him that he could sleep in the crib if he wanted, but every time he slept in the big-boy bed, I would give him a sticker in the morning. When he had filled the chart with stickers (about a week), we would go to the zoo. I was amazed at what he would do for a sticker, and by the end of the week he was used to the bed.
-- Deb B., Warwick, R.I.

“DON’T TOUCH THAT, HOLD YOUR THUMB”
If you don’t want your children to touch delicate things in a store, ask them to hold their thumbs while you’re shopping. It avoids those “accidental” purchases.
-- T.Y.J., San Jose, Calif.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>> September 14, 2008

BIRTH ORDER COUNTS FOR SOMETHING

Is a firstborn more likely to score higher on intelligence tests than a later-born sibling? Does a later-born child typically have superior social skills to those of a firstborn? Do only children have more advantages than disadvantages over other children? “Yes” to all.

Firstborn children seem to benefit from all the extra attention they get from their rookie parents. Their parents also have higher expectations of them compared to their later-born siblings. Firstborns are more likely to attend college, and they are overrepresented among Nobel Prize winners and professional schools. Fifty-two percent of U.S. presidents and 21 of the first 23 American astronauts were firstborns.

Later-born children typically encounter parents who have more realistic expectations of them and are more relaxed and confident in their parenting roles. These younger siblings often are popular with their peers, having learned important social skills by interacting with one or more older siblings.

Research does not confirm the stereotyped “spoiled brat” image of an only child. Studies have uncovered just a few differences between only children and other children. In particular, only children tend to score higher in cognitive development and academic achievement.

Every reader of this column has a tip or two to share with us. Please send them in.

NEWBORN BRINGS GIFTS TO SIBLINGS
When you bring a newborn home from the hospital or birthing center, give each older sibling a wrapped present from the new baby. The gift will help to lessen sibling rivalry. Make sure that each gift will be something that keep the child busy (LEGO bricks, tricycle, Lincoln logs, puzzles, computer games, etc.).
-- Jacke Dollar, W. Des Moines

HOUSE RULE FOR CELL PHONES
We made a house rule that all phones must be plugged in, at a central charging location, at 9 p.m. on school nights. We started this rule when my daughter was in junior high. Now a high-school junior, she still complains, but it is amazing how much easier she gets up in the morning!
-- Carrie M., Martinez, Calif.

FROZEN SPONGE FOR BOO-BOOS
Instead of using ice cubes to soothe bumps and bruises, wet a small sponge and store it in a small freezer bag. Place the bag in the freezer for quick (and dripless) first-aid for bruises.
-- Sandie F., Lihue, Hawaii

CARE-PACKAGE FOR COLLEGE
When sending care packages to your college students, ask for the U.S. Postal Service flat-rate box (about the size of a shoe box) with priority two-to-three day delivery anywhere in the U.S. for just $9.80. Banana bread that my daughter requested from me one evening (via text) was baked and on her doorstep two days later.
– Julie Renalds, Oakland, Calif.

“PENCIL AND PAPER SOLUTION”
When our children were teens, my husband and I taught them an important strategy for making decisions. We called it the “Pencil and Paper Solution.” We showed them how to divide the paper into two long columns, then list all the “pros” (positive aspects) on one side and all the “cons” (negative aspects) on the other. Once they got everything listed on the paper, the solution was often very obvious. The pitfalls of a particular decision were as glaring as their desires. We used this strategy for lots of different situations, from spending allowance money to going places with their friends. They often made their lists on their own, but they always knew Dad and I were available to sit with them and discuss their lists.
-- Jeanne M., Poulsbo, Wash.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>> September 21, 2008

SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE; CONTRACTS FOR KIDS

Are you tired of nagging, begging and pleading to get your children to complete their chores and homework? If so, write up a simple behavior contract, with input from your child. Talk to your child about the specific behaviors that must be changed and the consequences that will occur if the rules are not followed. Next, write or type the contract in words that the child can easily understand, and then have all parties sign the copies.

If your child balks at signing the contract, tell him that his other option is being grounded immediately, after school and on weekends until he abides by the new rules. That should get his attention immediately. Don’t be a wimpy parent on this--stand your ground.

Other behaviors, such as spending too much time with electronic gadgets, general inappropriate behavior (being rude, mean, etc.) and not putting away or taking care of toys and bikes are appropriate for behavior contracts.

Probably the most important contracts are for our teens, on subjects like alcohol and drugs, driving and curfews. My wife and I have drafted numerous contracts
for our children over the years with excellent results. It sure beat nagging.
Our first contributor below offers a “contract” for divorced parents.

“AN AGREEMENT FOR THE BETTERMENT OF OUR CHILDREN”
If you can’t have a cooperative personal relationship with your ex-spouse in raising your children together, arrange it to be a “business” relationship. Stay away from personal chatter if you must, but try hard to find agreement on your children’s bedtime, mealtimes, house rules, discipline and even custody arrangements — all recorded on paper (“contract” might be a heavy-sounding word). The title can be something like “We agree to these principles of parenting for our children’s healthy physical and psychological development.”
-- M.T.L., Fremont, Calif.

LEARNING TO SLEEP
My best friend told me to occasionally put my newborn son down for a nap or bedtime while he was still awake, so he could learn to comfort himself to sleep. If you always hold him until he falls asleep, you may end up with a 3-year-old who refuses to go to bed because he never learned to go to sleep by himself. I tried this and my children have no problem at nap time or bedtime.
-- A.E., Yonkers, New York

STOP THAT “STATUE”
My 6-year-old son is always on the move, especially at the mall or grocery store. Now I have a way of keeping him in sight. Whenever he gets a few feet away or out of eyesight, I yell “statue.” He freezes immediately. I’ll look around and see him stopped in a funny pose.
-- P.C.S., Uniontown, Pa.

WHEN TEENS NEED US MOST
Sometimes teens need our love most when they are acting the most unlovable--that is, at times when they are acting out or getting into trouble.
-- F.D.W., Omaha

WARM SHEETS FOR A MIDNIGHT FEEDING
When you pick up your baby from the crib for a middle-of-the-night feeding, place a heating pad where the baby was sleeping. Before you return the baby to the crib, remove the heating pad. The warmth of the sheets will help the baby fall asleep sooner.
-- M.K., Bremerton, Wash.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon

>> September 28, 2008

WHAT WORKS BEST TO SOOTH A CRYING BABY?

Over the years, researchers have wondered what works best to soothe a crying baby. Here’s the top three:

PACIFIERS A pacifier is a parent’s best friend. When it comes to self-soothing, a pacifier usually does the trick. Pacifiers also come in handy for medical procedures such as shots and blood tests. To further reduce the number of infants who die from sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS, doctors are now recommending that babies should sleep with pacifiers in their mouths at naptime and bedtime throughout the first year of life.

BABY SLING For centuries, moms have carried their babies in a simple front sling, like a kangaroo. Now they are popular worldwide for their swaddling and soothing effect. It’s the next best thing to a womb, and the easiest way to carry and snuggle with your infant. To see some samples go to www.slinglings.com.

INFANT MASSAGE We all know that babies love skin-to-skin contact, being touched, held and cuddled. But infant massage can bring touch to a new level. Research abounds with positive outcomes from touch, from infancy to late adulthood. Gently massaging your baby’s skin can turn crying into cooing and sleeplessness into slumber.

Thanks to the parents and grandparents who sent in a tip this week. Our first tip below offers another use of pacifiers.

A FROZEN BINKY (PACIFIER) HELPS TEETHING
A binky kept in the refrigerator or freezer can help numb the pain of teething discomfort. It really works.
-- T.L., San Diego

OLD MACDONALD HAS A DIAPER E-I-E-I-O
My boys didn't like to take time out to have their diapers changed and would cry loudly the whole time. I found that singing to them — especially "Old MacDonald Had a Farm," with lots of weird animal sounds — distracted them, and they'd lie still and listen. This worked very well until they were toilet-trained.
-- Peggy Gilbreth Nipper, Omaha, Neb.

HOMEWORK ORGANIZER
Young children and even some teens sometimes overlook a homework assignment, so I created a simple homework organizer. I made a chart with six columns and nine rows. The column on the far left was labeled “SUBJECT,” and the remaining fiv columns were listed as “MONDAY,” “TUESDAY,” etc. The rows were labeled in three sets of “DUE,” “COMPLETE” and “GRADE.” Not only did this chart keep our kids on track for assignments, but we also had a history of homework grades long before report cards came home.
-- Anonymous

A POTTY ROLE MODEL
Children learn by watching, so take them with you when you use the bathroom. I started doing this when my children were infants. I have three kids, and they were all potty trained by the time they turned 2. Even if I got them a portable potty, they wanted to go into the bathroom. They knew what the bathroom was all about. -- L.B., Yonkers, NY
Note: A child’s peers can also be a role model. Even 2-year-olds have peer pressure. (T.M.)

YELLING IS CONTAGIOUS
I realized that whenever I yelled at my children, they would usually yell back with the same force I had used. And in a matter of seconds, communication would spiral out of control. Now I try to be more controlled when I need to confront them. And my children, in turn, respond to me in a kinder way. They even listen better when I talk softly. It really works!
-- W.C.D., Troy, N.Y.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2008 TomMcMahon