>> april, 2009

>> April 5, 2009

OUR SOCIETY IS BROKEN

You know our society is broken when 7.3 million people are currently in U.S. prisons or jails, on parole or on probation. That calculates to one out of every 31 adults. Another hint is knowing that some states spend more money on prisons than on our public universities. We are now the world’s leading incarcerator, surpassing even China and Russia.

You might be thinking that this column is a bit off topic this week, but it’s not. It’s about millions of children who, due to poverty and the resulting environment, suffer broken homes, abusive relationships, poor parenting and absentee fathers. The vast majority of prisoners came from this brokenness. This strikes the very core of our parenting practices and family values. People become mean, violent and disobedient for a myriad of reasons, but during the past 30 years I have come to the realization that our most basic support system — the family — is much weaker then it was decades ago.

Too many children are not getting the attention, nurturing, guidance, values, love and discipline they so desperately need. The U.S. has one of the highest infant mortality and teen pregnancy rates of all industrialized countries. Our great country needs more than a tweak for our children. It needs an overhaul.

Thanks to all of the parents and grandparents who shared a tip with us this week.

A LETTER FROM DAD
I recently wrote a letter to my son telling him how proud I am to be his dad and acknowledging all his wonderful talents. I left it on his bed for him to find after school. Although it would have been awkward and difficult for me to speak the same words to him, the words flowed easily on paper. My son thanked me for the note. For those of us who have a difficult time expressing our feelings, this is a good way to begin. The method shouldn't count anyway; it's the message that's important.
-- R.P., San Diego

A NEW WORD EACH DAY
Introduce your child to the dictionary, then each day find a new word. Use the word in sentences and conversation so your child will be familiar with its meaning. Before you know it, this word and all the other new words discovered in the dictionary will be part of your child’s vocabulary.
-- J.K., Bend, Ore.

"TIMED" CHORES
To encourage my children to clean their room I would set my timer, then announce, "Clean your room until the timer goes off." Ten to 15 minutes of steady work goes a long way. Make it fun by playing children's music while they work. Always praise their work.
-- Florence G., Fremont, Calif.

CAR OWNERSHIP AND RESPONSIBILITY
I believe that teenagers who share in at least some of the financial responsibility (insurance, car payments, maintenance, etc.) for the vehicle they use tend to be more responsible drivers and take better care of the vehicle. After all, it's their investment, too. I also get my teens involved in shopping for insurance, tending to paperwork at the Department of Motor Vehicles and getting the car repaired.
-- B.M., Natchitoches, La.

“WHAT’S YOUR OPINION?”
One of the best ways to raise the confidence of teenagers is to frequently ask them for their opinion — then listen carefully.
-- L.K., North Hollywood, Calif.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2009 TomMcMahon

>> April 19, 2009

FIVE KIDS, 25,000 DIAPERS

There are big numbers in the diaper business. Parents change 5,000 diapers per child. That means that those of you with five or more children have changed more than 25,000 diapers. That’s an incredible achievement. Fifty million disposable diapers enter landfills every day -- 18-billion a year -- where they sit for up to 500 years. It’s become a solid-waste nightmare — and growing. We can do better for our planet.

The great debate of cloth diapers verses disposables has added a new competitor in the past few years — eco friendly diapers, including one that is flushable and another that decomposes within a few months. Experienced diaper changers offer their advice on eco-friendly diapers at Parenting.com (click on “gear,” “baby-essentials” and the article “Tested by Moms”). Also, check out gDiapers, one of the fastest-growing green companies.

Our first two tips below offer more advice on diapering. Thanks to the parents and grandparents who shared a kid tip with us this week.

HAIR DRYER HELPS DIAPER RASH
A hair dryer can be a handy tool for drying a baby’s bottom after diaper changes. The heat and sound are soothing to children, and using a hair dryer helps to heal diaper rash and even prevent it from occurring. Also, less ointment is needed after diaper changes with this method. Always be careful to use a low setting on the hair dryer so it doesn’t burn the skin; test the distance and time carefully.
-- Amy C., Walnut Creek, Calif.

TODDLER TAKES HIS DIAPERS OFF
For those toddlers who love to pull their disposable diapers off and run around naked, turn the diapers backward, and tape them from front to back. If you do this a few times, they will get discouraged and stop taking their diapers off.
-- J.N., Urbandale, Iowa
Note: A large piece of duct tape also works (T.M.).

PROGRESSIVE DINNER PARTY FOR KIDS
Organize a progressive dinner party with two other families in your neighborhood who have children the same age of yours. The first home serves appetizers, the second home serves a kid-friendly main dish and the third home serves dessert. Each home also organizes a fun activity for the kids. It’s great fun for kids and parents alike. A progressive party could also be organized for a special event such as the end of the school year, Easter or Christmas.
-- N.M., Houston

“TAG TEAM” DURING HEATED ARGUMENT
If a parent starts feeling out of control during an argument with a teen or is unable to handle a particular situation, the parent should leave the room and let the other parent continue talking with the child. This type of parental “tag team” really worked for us, as it gave us a chance to cool off and get a handle on things.
-- Charly K., St. Paul

LOW-KEY PIANO RECITALS
We have enjoyed, over the years, informal piano recitals rotating between our home and the homes of our daughter’s friends who also play the piano. It has been great experience for the kids, and the adults are always amazed at their progress. The brief recital is followed by desserts (pot luck) and beverages. Formal recitals sponsored by their music teachers seem less daunting now. Both kids and parents look forward to these evenings of music and company.
-- K. W., New York City

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2009 TomMcMahon

>> April 26, 2009

STATIC LULLS A CHILD TO SLEEP

“Turn on the vacuum cleaner, it’s time for the baby’s bedtime.”

More people than ever are discovering the wonderful benefits of white noise (repetitive background noises) to calm babies and help them to drift off to sleep. Most parents learn about the effects of white noise by accident. I heard of a dad who showered while his daughter sat nearby in her infant seat. After the shower, the baby was fast asleep. So he audio taped the sound of numerous showers until he had a 60-minute tape. Every time he and his wife played it, the baby fell asleep.

I talked to a mom who claimed she wore out her vacuum cleaner—not due to cleaning the house, but to having it on outside the baby’s room at nap and bedtime. She finally got the idea to make an audiotape of her vacuum.

Our first tip below offers another source of white noise. Thanks to the parents and grandparents who shared a favorite kid tip with us this week.

THE SOUND OF STATIC LULLS A BABY TO SLEEP
I keep a portable radio in my baby’s room, which I use to lull her to sleep. I move the station dial until I hear steady static. I set the volume to a medium level, and then put my baby in the crib. The sound really works to calm her down.
-- P. Smith, Phoenix

MILKSHAKES FOR HEALTH
My children don’t like to eat fruit--but they love milkshakes. My homemade ones include fresh or frozen fruit (strawberries, blueberries and bananas are my kids’ favorites), yogurt, milk and ice cream. If my kids only knew!
-- R.J.R., Oakland

FROZEN BREAD KEEPS SCHOOL SANDWICHES FRESH
If your sliced bread goes stale before it’s all used up, store it in the freezer. It’s easy to take one or more slice at a time, then microwave for 10 to 15 seconds. Or use it frozen for sandwiches packed for school.
-- Anonymous

FIND THE HUMOR — EVEN IN ANGER
I have learned to try and find the humor in things — especially those difficult moments we all have raising children. Sometimes, other parents can see the humor in a personal situation that I can't. I tell myself to look in the mirror every morning and say out loud, "I love this child with all my heart. Having him or her in my life has brought me immeasurable joy. Growing up is very difficult. My job is to show my love every day, to encourage and praise at every opportunity and to be a gentle teacher of right and wrong. Whatever I do today, I will do with love." -- Mary P., Pompano Beach, Fla.

EVERY TEENAGER NEEDS AN ADULT CONFIDANT
There's usually some topic, issue, or dilemma that a teenager is confronted with, but which they don't feel comfortable talking to their own parents about. Therefore, it's a good idea for every teenager to have a special trusting relationship with a responsible adult outside of the immediate family. That person could be a teacher, counselor, neighbor, minister, aunt or uncle, etc. Ideally, it's usually best if the youngster can talk to his/her own parents, but it's better to talk to another responsible adult rather than not talk to anyone at all. If you sense that your teenager is dealing with a dilemma that he or she is not willing to talk to you about, encourage your teen to talk to someone else that you trust.
-- Glinda G., Brentwood, Calif.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2009 TomMcMahon