>> march, 2009

>> March 1, 2009

HEARTWARMING FAMILY MOMENTS

Being the night owl in my household, I'm the one who walks through the house turning off lights, computers, and our daughters’ assortment of electronic gadgets, including headphones that are still blaring next to the bed. Then I would pause for a few minutes — sometimes longer — at the threshold of their bedrooms and watch them sleep. I stand there in awe of life, feeling blessed and appreciative. I've been doing this since they were newborns. It is a great way to end a day and to refocus on what is important in life. If you are a parent, you have surely experienced these types of moments.

As many of you know, my daughters are young adults now, studying far from home. When thinking of them now, I have the same sense of pride, thankfulness and blessings that I experienced standing over their cribs when they were two days old.

Our first tip below, from a mother in Pennsylvania, offers a similar idea.

HEARTWARMING MOMENTS
At least once a day, I catch myself pausing to reflect on how much I love and appreciate my three children. Sometimes it happens when I take a few extra minutes to watch them walk into their school after I drop them off, or when I pause at their bedroom doorway to watch them play before I announce my presence. Sometimes I get warm and fuzzy feelings just by looking at them across the breakfast table. For me, it's important to take the time to experience these brief heartwarming moments. It keeps me on track and focused on my family.
-- R.R.W., Reading, Pen.

BIRTH CERTIFICATES
Before putting your child's original birth certificate in the safe deposit box, make at least 25 copies. Throughout the years, you will use these copies for sports teams, camps and schools.
-- Nancy Lee, Pleasanton, Calif.

LINOLEUM PROTECTS CARPET
I keep a 6-foot-by-6-foot piece of linoleum on hand to protect my carpet from messy arts and crafts projects. Whenever my children ask for toys or art supplies that could stain my carpet, I put the sheet of linoleum down first. Spills are a cinch to clean up, and the linoleum rolls up for easy storage. You can also use a sheet of linoleum as a permanent carpet protector under a child's desk, high chair or other area where spills or messes are likely.
-- Linda A., Fremont, Calif.

“LOOK UP AT BIG BIRD”
When my three kids were small, I had a lot of trouble trying to get them to hold their heads back in order to prevent the shampoo and water from getting into their eyes during a bath. So I hung a large “Sesame Street” poster on the ceiling over the tub, and when it came time for the rinse, I would tell them to “Look up at Big Bird.” It worked like a charm.
-- Carolyn Racicot, East Longmeadow, Mass.

DRIVING CONTRACT
Soon after my son received his driver's license, I gave him a written contract to sign, which listed his responsibilities for using the family car. He was responsible for all tickets, paying for his own gas, washing the car weekly, checking the fluid levels weekly and returning the car on time for the rest of the family to use. If my son failed on any of these responsibilities, his car privileges could be taken away (this also was included in the contract). Teens take written contracts more seriously than verbal agreements.
-- M.I., Minneapolis, Minn.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2009 TomMcMahon

>> March 8, 2009

THE LEPRECHAUNS ARE COMING

My Irish heritage is deeply rooted in the Emerald Island, its people and its lore. Leprechauns are quite active and mischievous this time of year, so it is the perfect time to have some Irish fun with your children. Every three or four years, I reprint a St. Patrick’s Day tip that was sent to me over a decade ago from Esther McClay of Pleasanton, Calif. Here’s how it goes:

The day before March 17, ask your children if they believe in Leprechauns. They will probably say no. Explain some of the mischief that Leprechauns will do overnight: put chairs on top of the tables, make a path to the kitchen using “gold” coins, etc.

The following morning on St. Patrick’s Day, watch your children’s mouth drop when they see the chairs on top of the table. You ask, “Now do you believe in Leprechauns?”

“No, you put the chairs there, Mom.” Then, as you slowly pour your children’s milk into a clear glass, the milk instantly turns green (put one or two drops of green food coloring in the bottom of the glass before pouring). For about five seconds they have a stunned look on their face, then their little brains figure out that mom or dad played a trick on them. Everyone has a good laugh.

THE PRESIDENT AND FIRST LADY HAVE A GOOD TIP
I recently learned through a White house reporter that President Obama, the first lady and their children love to play a game at dinner called “Roses and Thorns.” Everyone takes a turn describing a good thing that happened that day (rose) and a low moment or tough problem they had to deal with (thorn). If it works for Malia and Sasha, it might work for your kids too.
(T.M.)

IRISH SPAGHETTI
One of the family traditions that our children have come to expect every St. Patrick's Day is green spaghetti. It's our way, as Italian-Americans, to salute the Irish on March 17. I add a few drops of green food coloring to the water as the spaghetti is cooking. If it doesn't come out dark enough, add a drop of food coloring to the spaghetti after draining the water.
-- A.N., Corvallis, Ore.

RESPECT THE DIFFERENCE OF VALUES
Treat your teen as you would an adult when listening to his beliefs and values. Respect him for the person he is — not for the person you want him to be.
-- L.N.M., Omaha, Neb.

SQUEEZE THE ROLL
To make it more difficult for a child to pull all the toilet paper out, squeeze the roll before you put it on the holder.
-- J.N.J., Urbandale, Iowa

KEEPING TRACK OF TEDDY BEAR
My daughter had a teddy bear, Brownie, that she took with her everywhere. I was afraid Brownie would get lost, so I bought an engraved dog tag, like you would put on a pet, with our name, address, and phone number. Brownie wore the tag around her neck. Sure enough, on the way home from a visit to Grandmom's house, Brownie got left on the plane. A few days later, the airline called. Brownie had been to Hawaii! I went and picked her up at the airport, and all was well again. You also could use this with a blanket, pinning the tag to a corner.
– Linda L., Orinda, Calif.
P.S. The blanket idea is great. When they lose a blankie, it’s trauma for the whole family. (T.M.)

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2009 TomMcMahon

>> March 15, 2009

WHAT IS YOUR PARENTING STYLE?

Which parenting style have you adopted? Is it working for you? Here are the choices:

Authoritarian: Inflexible and controlling. Parents impose strict rules and expect obedience. “You do it my way or else.” Outcome: Children might have weak communication skills, social incompetence and aggressive behavior

Authoritative: Nurturing, loving, responsive and demanding. Parents set reasonable limits. Outcome: Children are self-reliant, motivated to achieve and have good peer relations.

Permissive-indulgent: Little or no discipline, rules, boundaries and responsibilities. Parents give in to their children’s wants and desires. Outcome: A child’s egocentric and domineering behavior will have a negative outcome with peers.

Neglectful parenting: Parenting is minimal, uninvolved. Some children are outright rejected or neglected by the parent. They receive little or no love and nurturing. Outcome: Children have problems with authority and possibly with the law, poor self-control, low self-esteem and immature behavior.

As you can guess, the authoritative parenting style reaps the best and most rewards for children. If you haven’t tried it, give it a try. Google “authoritative parenting” for more information.

Starting this week, we have a new feature titled “Cheap Fun” for families. Send in your ideas.

“CHEAP FUN” FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT
Once a week we spread out our most comfortable comforters and bed pillows in front of the television for what we call "Fairy Bed Movie Night." We get cozy and comfortable watching a movie, then let the kids sleep in the living room (they are usually asleep by the end of the movie, anyway). It's something we all look forward to.
-- N. Mitchell, Salt Lake City

WARM CLOTHES TAKE OFF THE MORNING CHILL
On cold, winter school mornings when the house is still chilly, my 8-year-old daughter clings to her warm and cozy bed. To entice her out of bed, I put her school clothes into the dryer for three to five minutes (check to make sure it’s not too hot). It’s a great — and cozy — way to start the day.
-- Beth Blagden, Pleasanton, Calif.

TOY ROOM
One of the best things I ever did was to turn a spare room into a “toy room.” Now my two children have uncluttered bedrooms and a fun room in which to play with their toys. One of my neighbors installed an inexpensive carpet in his garage, which became the “toy room.”
-- D.K.P., Vancouver, Wash.

A PHOTO OF YOUR CHORE
My children, ages 3 and 5, have specific chores to complete but I can’t write them down since they can’t read yet. So, I take photos of them doing each chore and post that on their chart. Each night I remind them to “check their charts,” and they see what they have forgotten to do that day. It has really cut down on my nagging. I use this method for lots of things, including the steps to get ready for school each morning (get dressed, brush teeth, get backpack, etc.).
-- Kindra Mendall, Hayward, Calif.

CREATIVITY BEGINS WHEN THE TV IS TURNED OFF
It’s amazing how creative kids can be when the options of television and video games are taken away.
-- G.D., Des Moines, Iowa

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2009 TomMcMahon

>> March 22, 2009

IS YOUR CHILD READY FOR POTTY TRAINING?

There are many potty training books on the market, but you don’t need one. I recommend the concise two-page version provided by the American Academy of Pediatrics. It advises parents that children younger than 12 months have no control over bladder or bowel movements and little control for six months or so after that. Children often start to show signs of being ready between 18 and 24 months, but some children may not be ready until 30 months or older. It is best to be relaxed about toilet training and avoid becoming upset. If your child strongly resists potty training, it is best to wait.

To determine if your child is ready for the potty, look for the following signs: Your child stays dry at least two hours at a time during the day or is dry after naps. Bowel movements become regular and predictable. Facial expressions, posture or words reveal that your child is about to urinate or have a bowel movement. Your child seems uncomfortable with soiled diapers and wants to be changed. Your child asks to use the toilet/potty chair or to wear Big Boy/Girl underwear. For the full article, go to www.aap.org/publiced/BR_ToiletTrain.htm.

Check out our new feature titled “Cheap Fun” for families. Send in your ideas.

SIMPLE CLOTHING IS BEST DURING POTTY TRAINING
Avoid dressing your child in hard-to-remove clothing during and immediately after potty training. Hard-to-reach buttons and snaps add to the frustration of potty training. Also, avoid clothing like overalls and long shirts, which could accidentally slip below the toilet seat when using the potty.
-- M. Spencer, St. Paul, Minn.

“CHEAP FUN” THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE
I believe that statement. Just think of all the free or inexpensive things you can do with your family within a one-hour radius. Be creative! There are rivers, creeks, mountains, oceans and local parks to play in; organize a field trip with another family, arrange a toy exchange with a few other families, make a home movie, get out the craft box, ride bikes in a beautiful area, etc.
-- N.T.K., Houston, Texas

RED LIGHT, GREEN LIGHT
As soon as my kids were old enough to understand the concept, I taught them--and their friends--the game of Red Light, Green Light that I used to play as a child. When the "leader" says "Green light," the players walk--or run if we are at the park or the beach--and they stop instantly at the "Red Light" command. Part of the game was to see what silly poses they would assume when I called "Red Light." It worked perfectly the day my son's ball went into the street and he was running after it. When I shouted "Red Light," he stopped in a silly pose, and when I said "Green Light," he walked to the curb and "looked both ways."
-- Addy Tatto, Berkeley, Calif.

ICE NUMBS THE BAD TASTE OF MEDICINES
If your child doesn’t like the taste of medicine, give her an ice cube to suck on beforehand. (For young children, use ice chips instead of an ice cube to prevent the possibility of choking.) This will temporarily numb her tongue and will make the medicine easier to swallow.
-- Jill N.J., Urbandale, Iowa

TAPE A STORY
When our children were very young, the bedtime story became an evening ritual. My wife and I taped a number of their favorite stories, to be played for them by the baby-sitter when we went out for the evening.
-- N.H.M., Tahoe City, Calif.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2009 TomMcMahon

>> March 29, 2009

FACEBOOK HAS AN APPEAL FOR FAMILIES

I never thought that I would join one of the popular social-networking Web sites, like Facebook. In my case, I had to join. I was losing touch with my daughters, ages 20 and 24, who are at universities far from home. Another dad — a friend who frequents Facebook — was always telling me what his daughters and mine were up to. As I’m writing this, both of my daughters popped up on my computer screen for a quick video chat using Skype. It’s free, just like Facebook.

Since joining this social club, I have connected with long-lost friends and relatives, kept track of my daughters’ most recent adventures and enjoyed the photos and videos of the many young children in our extended family.

Facebook, like similar sites, has a dark side. It can be addicting. The average users sign on six times a day, but some sign on 20 or more times. Photos of wild parties and drinking on the site might catch the eye of a perspective employer or even a dorm counselor, so never assume your site is private. The only other negative is adding more screen time to our life — just what we don’t need!
Check out our new feature titled “Cheap Fun” for families. Send in your inexpensive ideas.

COMPUTER GAME ADDICTION
To deal with my son’s obsession with computer games, I now limit his play to one hour per day. I set the timer and enforce the one-hour rule, no matter how much he begs me to let him play longer. When I’m not home, I lock the computer keyboard in the closet. Parents need to step in when a child’s life gets out of balance.
-- G.R., Fort Worth, Texas

YOU CAN’T LEAVE WITHOUT THEM
When you visit someone’s home, you will never leave behind an important baby item if you put your car keys in or with that important item (such as a diaper bag, medicine in the refrigerator, etc.).
-- K.T.H., San Jose, Calif.

COLLABORATIVE BATHROOM DUTY
I always allowed my kids to keep their rooms however they wanted them, whether messy or clean, with the proviso that the door remained shut. My three children each had separate bedrooms but shared one bathroom, which they did have to keep clean. If any towels were found on the floor, all three kids were fined, which was taken out of their allowance. Therefore, they had to police themselves and/or pick up the towels after each other in order for them not to be penalized. This seemed to work very well, as they were able to tolerate the nagging from their siblings better than my nagging, and soon learned to work together, keeping the shared space tolerable for all.
– Lee Miller, Knoxville

“CHEAP FUN” PRETEND PLAY
Go to an appliance store and ask for two large boxes, such as those used for refrigerators and stoves. Invite a few of your child’s friends over, and watch the creative juices flow. If they run out of ideas, offer a few suggestions. These boxes will become many different things. It will keep them busy for a few days.
-- Mike K., Bremerton, Wash.

DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
My husband and I sat down and figured out which behaviors we could tolerate from our teen and which ones we wouldn't. We chose not to sweat the minor stuff, but we agreed to come down hard on potential problems such as drug use or poor grades. We even agreed on constructive ways of dealing with these issues in case they occurred. Afterward, we talked to our teen about the issues that were of importance to us and the consequences that we would follow through on if any of them occurred. We believe that knowing the consequences of specific behaviors—long before there are any signs of them—is a deterrent for them to ever occur.
-- Leith H., Windsor, Calif.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2009 TomMcMahon