>> May, 2009

>> May 3, 2009

MOMS KNOW A LOT, A WHOLE LOT

In early and middle childhood, moms rock. They have an answer for everything — or so their children think. Fast-forward to the middle-school years, and Mom’s popularity has declined, mostly because her kids think she is so old-fashioned. Ten years later, in early adulthood, it’s amazing to see how smart Mom is — again. This evolution of a parent-child relationship is depicted in a piece circulating on the Internet titled “The Images of Mother” (it works for dads, too):

Age 4: “My mommy can do anything!”
Age 8: “My mom knows a lot!”
Age 12: “My mother doesn’t know everything.”
Age 14: “Naturally, mother doesn’t know that either.” Age 16: “Mom is so old-fashioned.”
Age 18: “My mother doesn’t understand anything!”
Age 25: “Mom is pretty smart.”
Age 35: “Before we decide, let’s get Mom’s opinion.” Age 55: “I wonder what Mom would have thought”
Age 65: “I wish I could talk it over with Mom.”

Moms, you are appreciated! Thanks to our readers for the following kid tips:

LEARNING THE CONCEPT OF LEFT AND RIGHT
My grandson taught me a clever way to teach young children how to tell their left hand from their right. Ask a child to hold both of his hands out in front of him, with the palms away. The hand that has the “L” (made with the thumb and first finger) will be his left hand.
-- Dolores H., Des Moines

BE PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS
It is, of course, important for parents and teachers to tell children how proud they are of a child’s success or accomplishments. But it’s also important to tell children that they themselves should be proud of their accomplishments. By using the latter approach, children learn to internalize their own sense of pride instead of looking to an external source.
-- Kevie W., Santa Clarita, Calif.

FIVE-MINUTES OF SILENCE
When two or more of my four children start arguing, I announce, “Five minutes of silence.” No one can talk for five minutes. It has an immediate calming effect and works well in many different situations, including in the car and at the dinner table. When they start talking again, it’s usually with a much gentler attitude.
-- D.W. Gray, Woodburn, Ore.

WEANING LITTLE-BY-LITTLE
Weaning a child from a pacifier or bottle is best done slowly. Little by little. we reduced the locations where our 3-year-old son could use his pacifier. First, we prohibited him from using his pacifier in the family room (where the television was). After a few weeks, we added new locations, until he could use it in his bedroom and, later, only at his bedtime. He soon gave it up altogether, handing it over to a neighbor’s newborn at our gentle request.
-- B.B.T., Bremerton, Wash.

EXTRA BED FOR SLEEPOVERS
Instead of throwing away my daughter’s old twin mattress, I stored it underneath her new bed. Now she has an extra mattress to pull out when she has a guest for a sleepover. The next time we have an extra twin mattress, I plan on keeping it under our own bed for when our children get sick in the middle of the night and need us to keep an extra eye on them.
-- M. Johnson, Syracuse, NY

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2009 TomMcMahon

>> May 17, 2009

GIRLS PRESSURED TO BE PRETTY, SWEET AND PERFECT

Preteen and teen girls are confronted with more challenges than they can juggle. A new book, “The Triple Bind” by Stephen Hinshaw (Ballantine Books, 2009), addresses the issues facing girls and how their parents can help. The “Bind” is to be pretty, sweet and nice; be athletic, competitive and get straight A’s; and be impossibly perfect.

As a result, there is an alarming trend in girls becoming more aggressive, overly sexualized and depressed. A significant number are dealing with eating disorders and self-mutilation. Many have a distorted body image or hate their own bodies. Hinshaw claims that “more than half of all teenage girls worry about their weight or engage in some form of dieting.”

“Skinny, sexy, scantily dressed teens and preteens appear everywhere,” writes Hinshaw. “For example, in 2003, $1.6 million of thong underwear was bought for girls ages seven to 12 to wear.” Many of these girls are pre-puberty.
Parents, especially moms in this case, need to offset the negative messages of our media by empowering our daughters to not fall prey to the pressures of being perfect. Help them to like themselves and their body. Let them know that you value them. Many of these girls will need professional counseling to help sort out their lives.

Thanks to the parents and grandparents who sent in a kid tip this week.

NO DATING UNTIL 16
My wife and I have a rule for our five children: No dating until they are 16 years old. They can participate in group activities and outings with members of the opposite sex before 16, but no couples dating until they are 16. We believe that there is a natural progression of intimacy when dating begins; therefore, if a teen begins dating at a young age, such as 14, he or she will be more likely to reach a more advanced level of intimacy before having the maturity to make wise judgments and understand the consequences of his or her choices.
-- B.W., Spanish Fork, Utah

THE DEATH OF A PET
When my daughter's beloved dog died, she was very upset and sad. So I took her to the toy store to have her pick out a stuffed animal that reminded her of her dog. Then I took her to get an I.D. tag at the pet store with her beloved dog's name on it. I told my daughter that she could now remember her dog every time she holds or hugs her stuffed animal. She told me that this really helped her cope with her loss.
-- Teri Norbye, Pleasant Hill, Calif.

PACKING FOR THE DELIVERY ROOM
Here’s a list of useful items for the delivery room: a typed list of names and phone numbers for someone to call after the baby arrives (you’ll be too busy), an outfit for the baby to come home in (make it soft and comfy, not cute and stiff), an outfit for you to come home in (black stretch pants and a sweater worked for me), a comfortable robe and the baby’s car seat.
-- Terri G., Detroit
More suggestions: 2 or more nightgowns, camera, snacks (I brought small juice boxes, whole wheat crackers, raisins and an apple), toiletries, comfortable slippers and the Lamaze certificate (most hospitals will put baby’s footprint on it). -- Denise Carbone, Middle Village, NY

DON’T TRY TO BE PERFECT
If you’re a mom with young children, remember this: You don’t have to be the perfect homemaker. Life will go on if everything isn’t perfect around your home. I remind myself that Martha Stewart has a staff — a big staff!
-- Anonymous, Dallas

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2009 TomMcMahon

>> May 24, 2009

CREATING A PEACEFUL HOME

A peaceful home is relaxing and serene. It is a refuge for parents, young children and teens from our own fast-paced lifestyle. To create such a place, start with organizing your clutter and putting it out of sight. Order creates calm. Dealing with the clutter will have the most positive impact on your home. And you will save countless hours by not frantically searching for lost papers.

The next step is keeping the house picked up as best you can as you go along. Everyone should make his or her own bed in the morning and share in appropriate chores — all with the ideal of putting things back in their place.

Conceive an environment that encourages calmness, such as a small tabletop water fountain, soothing music or a beautiful view from a window. The calmer we become the more relaxed and creative we get. Some parents enjoy a simple cup of tea to take them down a notch, others look forward to yoga, meditation or exercise. Many claim that dogs and cats can offer comfort and affection. The goal is to rid the word “hectic” from your vocabulary.

Please send in your favorite parenting tips.

“ACTS OF KINDNESS” JAR
Catch your children doing something good for other people. Write about their act of kindness, and then place the paper in the jar. Every week or two take out the slips of paper and share them with your children. Praise them for their kind efforts.
-- F.H., Seattle, Wash.

TEEN OFFICE
To encourage my son to do well in school, I helped him create a positive environment in which to study in his own room. Starting with his own desk and adequate lighting, we gradually added all the amenities necessary for an office: personal computer; stapler; hole punch; tape; assortment of pens, pencils and paper; dictionary; thesaurus; handbook on grammar; etc. He enjoys this new setup and now spends more time on homework and studying. The more comfortable a study area is, the more time a teenager will spend there. And if they have the tools to create, they will be more creative.
-- B.O., Fremont, Calif.

CHILDREN LOVE FROZEN VEGGIES
Children who are not fond of cooked vegetables will often eat veggies when they have been frozen hard. Frozen veggies have a different taste and texture than their cooked counterparts.
-- Julie C., Lakewood, Col.

HEALTHY CEREAL
I think most of the packaged cereals are too sweet. So I mix a sugar cereal (i.e. Cocoa Puffs) with a whole grain cereal, (i.e. Cheerios) to make a more healthier cereal mix for my children. We do a 50/50 mixture and then pour it into a plastic cereal container. We have four kids so they each get their own cereal container with the mixture they chose. You can also gradually add a bigger percentage of the whole grain cereal if you want an even healthier option. The children get the best of both worlds and I like knowing that they are getting a healthier breakfast with more fiber and whole grains.
-- Teri Norbye, Pleasant Hill, Calif.

VOLUNTEERING HELPS FIND CAREER
When I was a young teen, I volunteered at the local hospital for something to do. The experience exposed me to many different occupations and had a major influence on my career choice. By the time I was ready to apply for a job after college, my resume already looked very impressive. Volunteering as a teen also kept me from being bored and boosted my self-esteem. Hospitals, veterinarian clinics, schools and many other businesses actively recruit teen volunteers.
-- B.G., Miami

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2009 TomMcMahon

>> May 31, 2009

UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHILDREN'S FEELINGS

Parents are always looking for ways to strengthen the bonds with their children. One often overlooked method of accomplishing this is empathy, a way of communicating with your children that helps them to know that you understand their feelings. And since children are always yearning to be heard and understood, it works for both parties. It’s easy too, since our children’s words and body language tell us a lot about their underlying feelings.

For example, imagine if a 10-year-old girl comes home and starts crying when she sees her mom, saying: “I started to recite my poem for my English class, but I could only remember the first line. I just stood there, and then everyone started to laugh. The mother hugs her and says, “Oh Sweetie, that must have been so embarrassing.”

Imagine a 15-year-old boy telling his father, “I caught my girlfriend holding hands with Dan (his best friend) today at school.” His father replies, “You must have felt so betrayed.” It’s simple. You put yourself in you child’s shoes. You listen to their words and respond to the feelings (emotional meaning) behind the words.

Thanks to the parents who have shared their kid tips with us this week. Send in your favorite tip.

LATE NIGHT TALKS
Some of the most precious, heart-to-heart talks I have had with my teenagers were late at night after they came home from an evening activity. I would usually wait up for them. They always seemed more eager to talk about their evening activities immediately after they came home; they weren't as talkative the following day. They often opened-up during these late-night chats and talked freely about their boyfriends and girlfriends, their hopes and dreams, their fears or whatever was on their minds. I looked forward to these heart-to-heart talks.
-- R.M., Orem, Utah

EARLY LEARNERS RECOGNIZE LETTERS
My husband and I try to incorporate Montessori ideas into our home, and her sandpaper letters were the inspiration for this idea. My husband bought some alphabet wall decals for our son (20 months). He put them up on one wall in our living room, at our son’s eye level. Then my husband bought a set of foam letters and put some Velcro on the backs so that they stick to the wall, each below its corresponding decal. Our son already recognizes a good portion of the alphabet, and I think this idea has a lot to do with that.
-- M.M., Orlando, Fl.

MAKING YOUR OWN BOOK ON TAPE
I read to my children every night, but they always want more. So I purchased a digital voice recorder and now every time I read a story to them, I record it. I then load it onto my computer and burn it onto a CD. I take a digital photo of the book’s cover, print it on a CD label and voila! I have a book on tape. Now they can listen to me read them stories any time they want and we are building quite a library. For our last car trip, I loaded the stories onto my iPod for the kids to listen to. It kept them busy for a long time!
-- Kindra Mendall, Hayward, Calif.

FIRST ONE DONE WITH HER MESS WINS!
A trick I use to get my daughter to pick up is to challenge her to a “cleanup” race. We race to see whether she can clean up her room faster than I can clean up the kitchen after dinner.
-- Nancy K., Wilmette, Ill

PLASTIC CHAIR MAT UNDER HIGH CHAIR
A plastic floor mat — the kind made for a desk chair (available at office-products stores) — is the perfect thing to place under the highchair in a carpeted dining room. It will protect your carpet from food stains and liquid spills.
-- S.L., Martinez, Calif.

Always keep safety, age appropriateness, and your intimate knowledge of your own child in mind when considering use of any tip.

copyright 2009 TomMcMahon