| Hi
Tom,
I was reading the Sunday paper and
noticed that you wanted divorce stories. Mine is a decent
one.
My ex husband and I have an 8 yr old
daughter. We have been separated/divorced for 7 yrs.
We are good friends. We keep things decent between us
for our daughter’s sake. Just because we could
not be married does not mean our daughter has to suffer.
I think the one thing that parents always forget is
the child is the innocent victim in all of this. I put
myself in my daughter shoes and wondered how it would
feel to have parents always fighting, etc. It would
not be good.
We have never stepped foot into a courtroom
or mediation. We maintain our 50/50 agreement although
our daughter lives with me the majority of the time.
That is only because her dad lives an hour away. He
sees her 3 weekends a month and can have her stay with
him when she is off track from school. We leave it up
to her to make choices. Once, she was with her dad for
7 weeks. I saw her a few times. It was up to her if
she wanted to come see me or not. I don't play games
or make her feel guilty. If I wanted to do something
with her, her dad and I would COMMUNICATE!! We want
her to look back and remember that she saw her mom and
dad as much as she wanted.
As for holidays, we sat down together
and worked them out—odd and even years. Do we
stick by it? No, not all the time, again we are flexible
with one another for her sake. There have been some
Halloweens that she has been with her dad because she
would have more fun with what he had planned. We sometimes
do birthdays together. As far as child support, again
we sat down together and figured that he pays 1/2 of
her daycare expenses and any clothing bill.
Yes, I am fortunate to have this relationship
and arrangement, but a lot of people can if they only
put the child(ren) first. People might say “well
wait until you date other people.” That has already
happened. My ex and I are ok with that. I trust my ex-husband’s
judgment and he trusts mine. I was a step mom to his
other daughter so I have an understanding about another
person in her life. If my daughter has enough love for
another person that her dad or I date, then that’s
great. That means we are doing something right.
The huge key to a successful split
arrangement is COMMUNICATION. I hope this helps on the
subject. If you need any more information please don't
hesitate to contact me. I am always trying to get divorced
parents to be friends for the sake of their kids.
Take Care,
Anonymous (California)
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