--I never thought that a high-tech gadget would make a difference in my family after a divorce, but it has. A Webcam (small camera) connected to my computer and another one connected to my ex-wife’s computer allows my two children and me to visit via cyberspace in a sort of video conference. Since I now live a few hours away by car from my two children, the Webcams keep us connected during the weeks my ex-wife has custody of the children. The kids can even hold up things for me to see, such as a school project. Other divorced or separated parents may want to give it a try. Webcams can also be a fun way for kids to stay connected to grandparents.

--My husband and I have made an effort to NOT discuss any matters concerning our daughter during pickup times, as we sometimes might not agree on certain topics. I encourage my daughter to love her father. I don't speak ill of him in front of her, nor do I let anyone else. Some ex-spouses put so much energy into hating each other (which is understandable, at times) that they don't see what it is doing to their very “absorbent” children. They see everything and hear even more then we can ever imagine.

--As a child of divorced parents, as well as a divorced mother myself, I know from experience that children not only need their parents to get along with each other, but with their ex-family as well. Grandparents, aunts and uncles make the children’s lives much happier and less stressful when they can peacefully attend important events in the child's life. Children, even after they are grown, shouldn't have to worry about choosing who should be invited because ex-in-laws still can't get along. This can be very hurtful to children on their birthdays, graduations and marriages.

-- I hated the whole divorce situation we were in and I hated my husband for leaving us. After a few years of being angry, I took a step back and asked myself what I could do to change the situation. The only answer was for me to change my attitude. As I got more positive, I began to change and my husband and children changed too.

--There is one topic that has a profound impact on children of divorce: parental guilt. Feelings of guilt are quite natural for parents whose children suffered through a divorce. To lesson their guilt, they often overcompensate by not disciplining their children for behaviors that previously were punished. In some divorced homes, young children and teens have few boundaries and hardly any consequences for misbehavior. Young-adult children might be allowed to stay at home for as long as they want, even if they are not working, contributing to bills or going to college. A lack of discipline can have an even greater negative impact on children than the divorce itself. Although children will surely need extra coddling during and after a divorce, they still need consistent discipline and boundaries from their parents.

--A few years ago, a husband’s second wife invited his ex-wife to a holiday function that included all of their children. The children were relieved to be able to enjoy the entire family without traveling to both parent’s homes. Now, every other family celebration is hosted by his ex-spouse.

-- Picture of “whole” family. My ex and I had a picture taken of the four of us. One regular size photo is on my refrigerator and my ex has the same photo on his filing cabinet at his house. The kids have a 5X7 photo in their bedrooms at both homes. My daughter proudly shows everyone the family photo she has of her “whole” family.

-- I recommend couples to work hard to save their marriage. If that is not possible, work even harder to redefine what a family is for you and your children. Don’t listen to everyone’s opinion of what is best for you. If you follow your heart with your children’s needs first, you can’t go wrong.

-- One great outcome of having a good relationship with your ex-spouse is that you won’t dread your children’s graduations, wedding days, birth of grandchildren and other major life events where both my ex and I will be attending.

-- Consider the option of having your children go to counseling. An unbiased party can be helpful. There is a mourning phase for children after a divorce.

-- Don’t criticize your ex-spouse in front of your children. When you choose to criticize your ex-spouse in front of your child you are criticizing half of your child’s DNA. The other parent will always be your child’s parent.

-- Children frequently hope that their parents will get back together. Don’t expect your children to get excited for you when you start dating.

-- If you remarry, don’t tell your child that the step-parent is a better parent than their biological parent. Let the child decide that. Obviously we know how the parent feels as they got divorced.

-- Go to your children’s and grandchildren’s functions that you get invited to (weddings, birthdays, recitals, baptisms, etc.). Show your support for your children, even though you may not stand to be near your ex-spouse. Remember, it’s not about you anymore.

-- Wait until the children are mostly healed from the divorce before you begin dating.

-- Don’t quiz your children about what goes on when they go to the other parent’s house or when they are with their other parent. If you have safety concerns that’s one thing, but if you are just trying to be nosey, then get over it!

-- Don’t make your adult children feel guilty about not spending a holiday dinner with you. Try to understand that you, the parents, made the chose to divorce, thus creating more difficulties for the adult children. Your adult married children have to chose not only between their own parents as well as their in-laws when attending holiday functions.

-- My ex-husband and I agreed to a special clause in our divorce settlement stating that “if either parent will be apart from the children for more than four hours (outside of school functions, etc.) the other parent will have the option of having the children with them.” The reason for this addition was to insure that our children were not left with sitters/older siblings, etc and to give each of us the choice to have additional time with them.

-- My ex-husband and I took the time to let our children know how much we respected each other and how important it was for them to love the parent openly. We both have photos of each other in our homes (in our children’s’ rooms) and we often laugh about things that have happened in our past.

-- My ex-husband and I have told our older children that relationships change and it was more important for each of us to be open to happiness rather than remaining in a dissatisfying relationship. We have both moved on to deep, committed relationships with other people that our children have formed an attachment to.

-- We make adjustments to the parenting schedule as needed. We coordinate vacations, weekend trips, etc. to minimize the impact on the other parent.

-- We put both addresses, contact numbers, parent names, etc. on every school and sports team document so it shows that we are parenting equally. We arrange to attend all of their functions by splitting the responsibility (“you cover this and I’ll cover that”). With email, it’s easy to accomplish.

-- All in all, I believe that we have the best divorce possible. Our children have not only survived, but seem to have thrived with two parents who have made it clear to them that they are loved and cherished.

-- Worse things to say: “Mommy slapped me!” I asked “Why?” “I told Mommy that I loved you too,” she replied. “Mommy said that if I love you then I cannot love her too. She said that she does not love me and that I should go live with you. But I love both of you!”

-- Just because we could not be married does not mean our daughter has to suffer. The child is always the innocent victim in all of this. Try to put yourself in your child’s shoes and what she must be feeling.

-- Keep the communication channels open between you and your ex-spouse.

-- I made a conscious decision to never say anything negative to my children about their father. No matter what happened between my ex-spouse and me, he is still the father of these children and they love him. In time, each child reached a clear picture of the situation and their father's decision to leave. It was so much better that these realizations came with no prompting from me.

-- Let your children know that your divorce was about your marriage ending, not about them or anything that they did or did not do.

-- Meet with your children’s teachers and let them know that you are going through a divorce. Have your kids make an appointment with the school counselor.

-- I reminded my ex-husband that I needed his help to raise these beautiful beings that we had created together.

-- My ex-husband and I lived within two miles of each other. We have an agreement that neither of us would move from our town until the children are 18.

-- We have transformed our family into a new entity that works better for all of us and our kids are two of the most secure, confident middle schoolers in town.

-- My ex-husband gave my new husband the green light when he told the kids that having more people in their lives to love them is always a good thing and that “Your mother has waited her whole life for this.” My ex made it clear to the kids that he would always be their Dad and that would never change.

-- I pinch myself daily when I realize how rich and wonderful all of our lives are. The healing I have experienced in my own life is immeasurable and our kids have the stability, love and security that was in constant question in my own childhood.

-- I want others to know that it is possible to get divorced and not have it be a living hell. It takes two people acting as adults, a lot of trust, a good support system and lots of love. There is no denying that divorce is painful, but it can also be a positive learning experience.

-- The children’s well-being should always come first.

-- Families cannot be divorced.

-- Parents should never use their children as weapons in a divorce. The kids have a right to believe that both of their parents are the best in the world, no matter what the truth is.

-- Get over it—your ex will eventually be someone else’s problem and you can sit back and laugh, hopefully with your soul-mate by your side.

-- Discipline (groundings, no TV, etc.), family routines (meal and bed times) and chores applied to both homes. Parents need to agree on these.

-- I have heard many parents say that they would do anything for their kids. This is, without a doubt, one of the most far reaching ways to prove it.

-- I have heard many parents say that they would do anything for their kids. A minimum impact divorce is, without a doubt, one of the most far reaching ways to prove it.

-- My ex-husband and I showed how much we respected each other and how important it was for them to love the parent openly. We both have photos of each other in our homes (in our children’s’ rooms).

-- When you choose to criticize your ex-spouse in front of your child, you are criticizing half of your child’s DNA.

-- We put both addresses, contact numbers, parent names, etc. on every school and sport team document so it shows that we are parenting equally.

-- After a divorce, treat your ex-spouse with respect and do not undermine his/her actions as they pertain to your children. Children have the right to love both parents, and they should not be exposed to the negative feelings you have about their other parent. If you need to vent, do it with a friend, not your children.

-- When my ex-husband and I were going through a divorce, we realized that we couldn’t control our tempers when one of us started an argument. Knowing this was bad for our children, we made a deal to only communicate via e-mail if the issue was sensitive or potentially volatile. Written communication lets you cool off before responding. There were times that I almost pounded my keyboard, but my kids never knew about the behind-the-scenes drama with their dad.

-- I was not prepared for the competitiveness and anger that my husband's ex-wife had toward me at the beginning of our relationship. Although it's been extremely difficult to refrain from making negative comments back to her, I have. And I'm glad that I have. She needed to let off steam, and now, one year later, we at least have a civil relationship with each other.