>> “Hey Dad, did you ever smoke marijuana?"

“Hey Dad, did you ever smoke marijuana when you were my age?” “How about you, Mom?”

These and similar questions about a parents’ past can cause even the most experienced parent to stutter and stammer. Possible responses to these questions have been hotly debated through the ages: to tell or not to tell. It’s a personal decision with no clear right or wrong answer. For parents who can honestly say “No, I never did that” to these questions, there’s no angst. For the rest of us, we have a choice of at least four responses: 1) “It’s none of your business!” or a nicer variation. 2) “Yes, I did.” (but you shouldn’t because ...) 3) “No, I never did.” 4) “I made mistakes when I was your age. I don’t feel comfortable mentioning specifics right now, but I’ll share them with you when you’re older.”

The first choice is definitely a parent’s right, but from a child’s view it ranks up there with “Because I said so!” The second choice, although honest, may offer your child a free pass to follow your example. “But Dad, you did this too. You told me.” The third choice is lying. The fourth admits to mistakes while leaving the door open for specifics. Unless you’re a politician, don’t even try the fifth choice: “But I never inhaled.”

PARENTS AS ROLE MODELS This is obviously not an original tip, but I think it’s one we parents need to remember: children do as you do, not as you say. Our households and relationships are the training ground for our children’s future. -- J.D., Palatka, Flor.