>> TEEN YEARS: SOMETHING TO LOOK

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Years ago, when I was a rookie father, many of my friends, relatives and colleagues — mostly males — would say, with a grimace, “Tom, enjoy your cute little kids now, because sooner then you can imagine, they’ll be teenagers.” A nasty chuckle would follow. I wondered what I had gotten myself into.

Now, almost two decades later, as a parent of two teens, a professor of developmental psychology and an author of two popular parenting books (including “Teen Tips”), I can assure you that the earlier prophesy never came true. Oh, we had our moments — mostly during the middle-school years — but it was never as bad as my friends predicted, or worse than any previous stage. Research confirms this. Dr. Lawrence Steinberg, author of “Adolescence,” claims that “only about 5-percent of families who enjoy positive relations during childhood can expect to develop serious problems during adolescence.”

Many parents spend so much time mourning the loss of their child’s early years and fretting about the arrival of adolescence that they miss the opportunity to celebrate this new person in their midst. Adolescence can be just as wonderful as childhood. I enjoy teaching my 15-year-old how to drive as much as I enjoyed holding her hand during her first few steps. And I find pleasure in reading my daughter’s e-mails from college as much as I enjoyed her artwork from preschool.

A LETTER TO MY PRETEEN When my daughter turned 12, I wrote her a letter welcoming her to the threshold of adolescence. I told her that I looked forward to the adventure ahead. I also warned her that there would be times when we wouldn’t see eye to eye, but that I would always love her and always make decisions in her best interests. I signed off hoping that we would be best friends in her 20s and beyond. It was a nice way to begin a new era together. -- Anonymous